Existence
by Niknakz93
Summary: :AU: Clary is in love with a boy she's never met. Ever since she was a young girl, Clary's 'imaginary friend' Jace has been there for her through thick and thin. But what happens when they meet by chance and realize that the other is real? Can things ever be the same again? -Clace- :Complete:
1. Prologue

**Existence**

**With 'Of Seraph Blades And Ball Gowns' coming to an end very soon, I wanted to get this up. Or at least start it. AU as per usual with its twists in the character's personalities.**

**I love the idea of having an imaginary friend, but the thing is… he's actually real. You can hear the others thoughts, but you have no idea if they're real or not. It's quite a fascinating topic and to write about, well *wiggles fingers* I'm having a go. Anyway, this chapter is more like a prologue to see if anyone wants to read anymore. If enough people do, I'll continue. So drop some reviews people! I hope you like it! x**

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_"Simon I can't."_

_"Sure you can! Come on. Just try."_

Clary sighed in frustration as her fingers plucked at the strings of the guitar once more. For a week solid Simon had been teaching her how to play. Or at least, attempting. They hadn't gotten very far with Clary's reluctance. When it came to art, she preferred the pencil. Not the taut strings of a guitar. She had been interested in learning how to play, but as soon as she picked up the guitar, it felt… wrong. Not for her.

Not that Simon would listen.

"This one is E," Simon explained, twanging the string. It made a high pitch sound. "The high E. The one at the bottom is the low E." He twanged that one too. Clary just nodded mechanically- the sooner she 'understood,' the sooner he'd leave her alone. "Okay. High and low E."

"Then you have B, G, D, A," Simon told her with a wide grin. His glasses were slipping down the bridge of his nose. A moment later, they had slipped off completely and landed on the guitar, making it twang loudly.

"Now that was low E," Clary told him innocently. Simon burst out laughing, shoving the glassed back before his eyes with them sparkling in amusement. "Yeah it was."

_What is that god-awful racket I hear?_

Clary ignored the voice inside her head. But he'd be back. A moment later, he added, _So? What was it Clary?_

_It was a guitar. Simon's glasses fell off onto it. _

_Dumb mundane._

The link vanished and Clary rolled her eyes internally.

She had been seven years old when it all started. It had been a Tuesday, wet and windy December. Clary had been sat in her art class with no idea what to draw. The project was to design their own comic. No ideas at all came to mind until a voice appeared out of nowhere, saying _hello there?_

Clary had been startled. So startled that she'd looked around, bright green eyes wide. _Where are you? _She asked the voice. It was a boy.

_I'm in my room._

_What room? Is your teacher __Miss.__ Kenderson then? Are you in calculus?_

_I don't know who that is? Who are you? Are you here in the mansion?_

_Mansion? No I'm in art class. I don't know what to draw._

_Are you a Shadowhunter?_

_What is a Shadowhunter?_

_Oh. I thought you must be one if I could hear you. I have never talked to someone my age before. And never a girl. _The boys voice had taken an excited tone. _What is your name?_

_Clary. Clary Fray. You?_

_My name is Jonathan Wayland. Where do you live?_

Clary had frozen up at that. _Mom told me not to talk to strangers…_

_But no one else can hear us? How can I hear you?_

_I don't know. But… I don't want to tell you where I live._

_Well I live in Idris. Outside __Alicante__ with my father. _

_Where is that?_

_I can't tell mundies._

_That sounds rude._

_It is._

Clary huffed out loud at that, catching the attention of her teacher who tutted out, "why have you drawn nothing yet Clarissa?"

She blinked before saying Sorry, picking up her pencil and staring at the blank piece of paper.

_Jonathan? _She thought hesitantly, wondering if it had all been imagined up. But no, he replied again. _Yes?_

_Oh. I just… you're still there._

_And so are you._

Clary felt afraid now. Simon next to her saw the flash of fear in her eyes, his own widening as he asked in concern, glasses hanging precariously at the end of his nose. "Fray are you okay? What's wrong? Why are you scared?"

"Can you hear him?" Clary asked him quietly, shaking her head a little as if that would dispel the voice inside her head. He'd shut up now, but she was still scared. A few other students were staring. Simon glared at them and they looked away, getting back on with their work. There was nothing but the sound of pencils scribbling away on paper.

"Hear who?" Simon asked with a concerned frown. Clary realized the boy inside her head was right; no one else could hear them.

_Are you my imaginary friend? _Clary asked the boy. A pause, and- _Are you mine? Or am I insane?_

Clary had been thinking that about herself too. Maybe she _was_ insane.

There was silence, then _what are you drawing for your comic?_

_I have no idea._

_I can help._

_How?_

_I have a story for you and you can draw it. It's about Shadowhunters. What I am. We kill demons and monsters. _He sounded so excited. Clary giggled quietly at that. _Now that is mad and crazy and not real._

_It is! _The boy assured her. _We are real. _

Clary didn't believe him. But she liked the voice inside her head. He was funny and imaginative.

_What is this story? _She asked him now, readying her pencil. The rain had slowed its hammering against the window at last.

_There was a man called Jonathan Shadowhunter. He summoned an angel and begged him to help fight the demons. His name was Raziel. _The boy sounded excited again. _Raziel gave Jonathan Shadowhunter a cup called the Mortal Cup and put his blood in there. When people drank from it, they became half angel half human. Nephilim! Raziel also gave him a Sword and Mirror. The three together are the Mortal Instruments._

_And you are one? Nephilim?_

_Yes. I am. I want my first Marks. _He sounded whiny now. Clary had no idea what they were, so he added. _Marks are runes. They give us our power. I'm studying the clairvoyance one now. It's the first one I'll get. _He was excited again. _And Father is showing me how to use daggers tomorrow. We did bows and arrows last week. Crossbows are so heavy Clary. Father won't let me touch one again until I'm older he told me. _Whiny again.

Clary was smiling, looking down at her piece of paper. It was such a cool story. Her pencil moved across the page, tongue between her teeth as Jonathan Wayland told her as much as he could. The way the Angel rose from the lake apparently. That no one knew what the Mirror was. That the Sword stayed with creepy sounding men called Silent Brothers.

_I should not have told you all that, _he whispered afterwards, sounding horrified at himself. _I am not allowed. You are a mundane. We are not allowed to tell mundanes about the Shadow World!_

_I won't say anything, _Clary promised, eyes wide. _I swear. I really won't. I- I won't tell anyone. They… wouldn't believe me anyway._

Jonathan never replied to that, and Clary got a sense of annoyance from him. Not aimed at her, but himself. It felt strange.

Clary drew Jonathan Shadowhunter meeting an Angel. On one page, there was a sword with angel wings. Then golden cup. On the last page of her comic, she drew symbols onto her little Jonathan Shadowhunter's arms and one on his neck. The designs made her smile. So black and pretty.

When she got a gold star for the best comic in the class, Clary squealed at the boy, _Thank you! __Miss.__ Twickenham loved it! _

_She did?_

_Yes! I got a gold star! One more and I can get a bronze certificate! _

_That is… good?_

_Yes! _

_Oh. Okay. That is… strange. Mundies give out gold stickers and if you get enough you get a certificate? Why? What is the point of it? I'm confused._

_You must go to school?_

_No. Father teaches me. He's teaching me piano now. _

_So what do you get if you're good?_

_He bought me a horse._

Clary just fell silent at that, eyes widening as she walked down the corridor to her next lesson with Simon at her side. He was talking about something but she was ignoring him in favor of talking to Jonathan. _He got you a horse?_

_Yes. I know how to ride now. Do you know how to ride a horse?_

_I wish I did, but no. Umm Jonathan I have another class now. Are you good at calculus?_

_A little. Want me to help you?_

_Yes please._

From that moment on, Clary had talked to her 'imaginary friend.' When she was upset, he comforted her. When his father got murdered when he was ten, she comforted him. On the surface, she knew he wouldn't look sad. But underneath, he really was. He missed his father.

And then he moved. To where she didn't ask, not wanting to intrude. It was there at an Institute that he started calling himself Jace. Clary liked it, calling him it from that moment on.

He wasn't just the voice inside Clary's head. He was her best friend. And she was his.

Clary loved the nights where they both lay in bed and Jace told her about his day. Of killing demons and monsters like he'd told her when they'd first 'met.' She'd been there when he'd gotten his first Mark. First time he'd been hurt from a demon attack. There when he killed his first demon. She'd even been there to scold him when he'd kissed this girl for the fun of it, and then broken her heart on purpose. He'd never done it again after Clary stopped talking to him for a week. They'd both learnt how to tune the other out, block them from their mind if they had to. It was awkward when you were thinking about things, and the other could hear them.

Clary had demanded Jace perfect the art of blocking her out when he'd first slept with someone. She had no desire to wake up with such dirty thoughts inside her head ever again. The images of a naked girl that she didn't know made her feel sick. She'd screamed at him, pretty loud for a mental voice too. Jace had soon blocked her out as soon as he realized.

The next day, they just agreed to never mention it again.

They both knew each others life. But had never met. Sometimes, they had talked about maybe meeting up. But something stopped them. It would be too much fuss and bother.

Plus, what if they met and everything fell apart?

And Clary still wasn't convinced Jace was real.

Jace wasn't convinced Clary was real either.

_Jace? _Clary just thought, directing it at him. A moment later, he replied. _Yes?_

_What are you doing?_

_Oh. We're about to go to Taki's. But I don't feel hungry._

_Okay. I'll carry on attempting to learn guitar. _

_Have fun. _He sniggered and Clary ended the link, trying not to roll her eyes. Simon saw and frowned lightly. "Are you talking to him again?"

He knew, of course, about the boy inside Clary's head. She'd spoken to Jace so many times out loud by accident that she was forced to tell him. Her mother found it unnatural and demanded she stop talking about this other world, even taking her to therapy once. She just wanted her daughter to stop talking to the person inside her head. He wasn't real. He couldn't be. She was banned from talking about this Shadow World.

But Simon believed her. He knew Clary wasn't insane.

"Mmhmm," Clary replied. She didn't elaborate, reluctant to talk about Jace to anyone. Even Simon. They may have been best friends, but she knew Simon was judging her. Who knew what he really thought about it all.

Probably that she was crazy. Everyone else had called her that.

Clary cleared her throat. "Right. Guitar."

As she twanged on a string, getting it completely wrong, she heard Jace snigger quietly at the back of her mind.

This was normal life to her.

**-Review! :D**


	2. Conflicted

**First of all, BY THE ANGEL THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY FEEDBACK AND REVIEWS! I was shocked it got this many, so I made this chapter longer as a thank you! Well, here we go! Next chapter! Yes, things have been twisted and warped like in most of my fics. So what to expect in this? Well you'll see. *evil laugh* thank you and I hope you like this and carry on reviewing! Love you all! x**

* * *

Clary was so thankful when Simon gave up on the guitar lessons.

"You just have no musical talent whatsoever!" Simon whined as they walked down the street towards Java Jones. The sidewalks were bustling and more than once, they'd been separated. Clary noticed, feeling odd, that Simon had caught her hand. It was to stop her getting yanked away from him because of the crowd, but she couldn't help but feel it was because of another reason. Strange.

"How long do I have to endure this torture?" Clary sighed as they finally reached Java Jones. Simon looked hurt. "That's my band you're insulting."

"Oh? And what are you called now?

"…Raging Hamster."

Clary gave up. "I just…" she attempted to start, but then laughed, shaking her head. That was the worst name to date. Even worse than Royal Parrot.

She wasn't even going to think about The Smashed Teacups.

Simon held the door open for her and they went inside, the place already filling up. Clary pounced on a seat near the back, not wishing to be seen near Eric who was on stage, and the rest of the band that were sat at the front whooping like monkeys. He was trying to go solo for today, and she had a bad feeling about it. She was just thankful that Simon hadn't made them sit up front with the others. Otherwise, Clary would have just spilled her coffee all over her as an excuse to leave.

Just as Simon took his seat next to Clary, placing the piping hot coffee down next to her, the screeching began. And quiet literally. It startled Clary so much that the voice inside her head asked in concern, _Clary are you okay?_

_I'm fine._

_Are you sure? That was some screech. Sounded like a Shax demon with its tail cut off._

Clary giggled at that. _No. It's Simon's band._

_Ah. I'll take my leave right now. I don't want to be deaf before I'm even twenty. Talk to you later Clary. _The link ended just as Simon started talking. "Wow. Uh, wanna finish this coffee then get out of here?"

Clary nodded furiously, gulping at her red hot drink. It burned but she didn't care. It was either that or lose her hearing.

The pair escaped before Eric could start up another song. As the door banged close, they heard the collective whine of agony from the other band members at the front. It appeared they weren't the only ones in pain.

"So," Clary told Simon as they walked slowly back up Brooklyn, "I think you should tell Eric not to pursue a career in solo singing."

"I agree," Simon replied, staring wistfully at the taxis whizzing by. Neither had enough money for a cab back, even if they pooled it all together. It was the long walk back and twilight was falling. Curfew was looming.

They walked in silence until Simon broke it by asking, voice nervous, "Clary do… I mean, are you going to prom?"

Clary glanced at the boy, noticing even in the dark light, he seemed to look faintly sick. She shook her head. "I don't know."

"Well would you go with me?" The words burst from Simon's lips before he could stop them, cheeks going a deep shade of red. Clary blinked at that. "Together?"

Simon nodded, not meeting her eyes. "Uh yes. If… if you want?"

She realized why he looked so nervous and sick, feeling herself go red. "Like," she started slowly, "as your… date?"

"Yes" Simon replied lamely, voice weak. He still couldn't meet Clary's eyes.

Clary was perplexed- a date? A date with Simon?

It felt… wrong, but she couldn't bare to make him feel more sick than he already was. That was the reason she nodded a fraction, replying, "um, okay. But aren't the tickets all sold out now?"

"I…" Simon was beetroot red again. "I bought two. Just- Just in case." They'd reached the front of Clary's house just in time. She knew her mother would go insane if she was out later than she should have been. Jocelyn Fray was protective of her daughter. Too protective in Clary's eyes.

"Goodnight Clary," Simon told her, fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket. "I'll see you in the morning for school."

Clary just nodded, not having any idea what to say. She was half expecting him to lean forwards and press a kiss to her cheek or something, but to her relief, he didn't.

She shut the front door behind her feeling weird. Even Jace picked up on it as he asked, _Clary? What happened?_

_It's nothing._

_Clarissa. _He only called her Clarissa when he wanted to know, and instantly.

Clary sighed, ignoring the boy for a start as she called to her mother who was painting in the front room, "Mom I'm home."

"Dinner's under the grill if you're hungry."

"Thank you." Clary wasn't hungry. She trudged up to her room and collapsed onto her small, narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling.

_Clary. You tell me what happened right this moment._

_Shut up Jace, _Clary just growled internally, rolling onto her side. Silence fell, but then his tone was gentle. It didn't happen often at all. _You know you can talk to me._

_Simon asked me out. _

_What, like, a date?_

_He asked me to be his date to prom on Friday. Red cheeks, blushing, everything._

_You don't sound very happy._

_I'm not Jace! This is Simon! He's… my best friend. I don't love him like that. I never have _she sighed internally. _I don't know what to do._

_Tell him _Jace advised her. _If he loves you, he'll understand._

_You should do a teenage advice column in a magazine._

_Hmm, what do you think I should call it? 'Wayland's advice for mundies?'_

Clary laughed at that, shaking her head a little even though he couldn't see. _No. Teenage talks with jackass Jace._

_Ouch. Well if it makes the screaming female hoards happy…_

Clary rolled her eyes, falling silent. It was only broken when Jace asked, _do you have a dress?_

_No. I don't. _

_Better get on that. Remember- wear a green one. You'll look lovely._

_You've never seen me Jace._

_Yeah, well I know what you look like from what you told me; midget with carrot hair and emerald eyes._

_And no boobs._

_And no boobs. _

Clary tutted, but didn't feel embarrassed. She couldn't be with Jace. It was just impossible.

_You know what I look like Clary._

She did. Long ragged blonde hair and matching syrup colored eyes. He'd used words like 'incredibly sexy' and 'irresistible' when describing himself. Clary found it amusing, because she was prepared to bet he wasn't that hot. All teenage boys thought themselves gods. Except Simon.

Plus Jace was rude. He was truthful, harsh and a downright asshole at times. But then, Clary had seen his other side. The side she sincerely doubted the people he knew had ever seen. He could be kind, fiercely protective and encouraging if the need arise. Like now.

_Look Clary. Just do what you think is right, yes? _

She nodded, signing out _thank you._

_Want to play 'I, Spy?'_

_For the last time, how can we even play that?_

_I was just giving you options. _

_Don't you have training?_

_Not today. We have tomorrow off too. _

_Is that good?_

_It can get dull around here. _He sighed now, but then cheered up. _Hodge stepped on Church's tail last night. You should have heard him screech._

Clary was smiling, trying not to laugh. _Which one?_

_Hodge. Church couldn't have clawed up his leg any better. _

_Oh my._

_'Oh my' is right. Plus Alec tripped over an umbrella earlier and head butted the wall. It's been a madhouse down here Clary. Come and save me._

_Only if you save me from the dance on Friday._

_St. Xavier's yes?_

_Yes._

_Well you never know, _Jace told her lightly. _I'd love to dance with you._

Clary frowned a little, staring at the ceiling. _You mean that?_

_Yes I do. I'd love to dance with you Clarissa Fray. _

_Maybe one day?_

_One day. Yes. _

That made Clary smile. _Jace I have homework to do. _

_Okay. I'll talk to you later. _The link ended.

Clary felt relaxed now, curling up under the covers. She wasn't going to bother with homework. Talking to Jace soothed her better than anyone else ever could. Maybe he knew who she was better than she knew herself.

"Goodnight Jace," she muttered to herself, closing her eyes.

Somewhere in New York, Jace wished her good night too.

**-Existence-**

The next day wasn't as awkward as Clary had been expecting it. For one thing, Simon's behavior hadn't changed. Except the fact he kept looking at her hand as if he wanted to hold it. There was something in his dark eyes too. He looked like he was unsure, but had no idea how he could rectify it. Clary knew it was only a matter of time until his fingers laced themselves with her own.

And it happened later on at the end of the day while they were walking back home. Slim fingers caught her hand, twining them together. Clary could tell he was nervous, for his palm was sweaty. It felt wrong and she didn't like it, but she didn't pull her hand away.

Simon looked relieved when they reached the part of the road where they went their own ways, but also disappointed, as if he wished it had lasted longer. They said their goodbyes and parted, Clary rubbing her palm upon her shirt. She couldn't get rid of the feeling of Simon's hand on her own.

Her best friend was in love with her.

And she didn't love him. Not in the way he did.

Clary just glared at her mother when she grinned over the fact she was going to prom with Simon. Apparently, he'd called last night asking for her, but she'd been asleep. He'd told Jocelyn and now Clary was considering murder.

"I think it's cute," Jocelyn told her, voice light and amused. "It'll be good to go out and date."

"You wouldn't say that if it wasn't Simon."

Jocelyn tsked. "Simon is a lovely boy."

Clary gave up.

"Just one thing first." Jocelyn's tone of voice had become sterner. "If you're going to prom with Simon, I want to talk to you about things."

"What things?"

"I know what goes on after proms, Clarissa." Her dark green eyes narrowed. "You and Simon aren't planning anything, are you? You're both too young and I think a prom this year is pushing it a little bit too much."

Clary didn't understand for a start, then she did with her face going bright red. _Oh my god._

_Clary? _Jace sounded like he was frowning.

_Shh. That wasn't aimed at you. _"Mom. Don't try to give me… that talk. School beat you to it and I really don't want to talk about this with Luke sat in the living room."

As if on cue, the man glanced up over his shoulder from his seat on the sofa. "Jocelyn," he called, "she's not stupid."

Clary shot Luke the smallest of smiles as a thank you. The whole idea was embarrassing enough without it actually happening.

"Just promise me Clary," her mother told her, voice dangerous more than anything, "that you won't do anything stupid. I doubt Simon would, but I know boys."

"Mom," Clary laughed out weakly. "Simon isn't a sexual predator or some teenage guy wanting to knock me up. I do not have any, _any _intention of having s- sleeping with him. Okay?"

Jocelyn seemed to relax at that. "Right," she told her daughter calmly. "Luke agreed to drive you into the city and pay for a dress. Nothing too revealing, you're showing him what you want to buy, yes?"

Clary nodded. "Okay, okay."

_What are you going to show off anyway?_

_It's rude to eavesdrop Jace._

_Ooops. _The link ended.

Clary climbed into Luke's truck, signing a little as he got in too. "It's like she's expecting me to have kids before I'm even eighteen."

The truck rumbled as it came to life. "She just cares about you," Luke told her lightly.

"In a weird way."

"Your mother loves you Clary. More than anything. Never doubt that, okay?"

Clary just nodded. She knew it was the truth.

Prom dress hunting with Luke wasn't as bad as she'd been expecting. Jace enjoyed chiming in about making sure she got a dress that made her boobs look bigger. Plus she had to get a green one. It was the only one Jace would allow her to buy, even though he couldn't physically stop her.

But still, green was the only colour she looked at simply because of his words. Before long, she and Luke were walking out of the store with a gorgeous full length dark emerald ball gown that had a sweetheart neckline and corset back. It had been more expensive than she'd expected, but Luke had slyly added his own money to the collection to allow her to buy it. The act made Clary smile and thank him so much.

_I wish I could have seen how you looked _Jace told her wistfully as she and Luke made their way home. Clary laughed at that, shaking her head. And then she froze, realizing she wasn't alone. With a glance at Luke, she knew he had heard her. A moment later, he just asked, voice strangely distant, "are you still talking to that boy? Your imaginary friend?"

"Luke. Don't."

"I'm not judging you Clary. Just, don't you think you're getting a little too old for an imaginary friend?" his voice was sad. "You're not a child anymore."

Clary scowled. "He's real, Luke."

"So you think Clarissa. But he isn't. He is part of your imagination. Just don't mention this around your mother. You'll upset her. We all thought this faze was over."

Clary felt herself get mad, and even Jace's voice telling her _Clary calm down, _wasn't enough to stop her snapping out, "I am not doing this for attention. Why won't you all believe me-? Jace Wayland is _real. He is real._"

Her heart hoped he was real. But her head was saying it was impossible.

"You are such a mundane," Clary told him coldly. Jace was rubbing off on her.

Her words had two effects on Luke; one, his hands tightened upon the steering wheel. Two, he just breathed out, "Clary. Never say that around your mother or out loud again for that matter."

"Why?"

"Clary just listen to me. Please." His voice was quiet. Clary couldn't place it. Was he angry? Why?

_That was weird, _Clary told Jace as they carried on back towards Brooklyn, the bridge underneath them. _He's never acted like that before over… us._

_What happened?_

_I called him a mundane._

Jace started laughing, but then stopped, asking quietly, _he reacted to it? As in, not normally?_

_It was like he knew the word. It meant something else to him._

Jace was silent for a moment before he muttered, _strange. Very strange._

_Tell me about it. _Clary sighed. _I'm almost home. Talk to you soon._

_Actually, I'm out at the moment. Demon in Brooklyn. _

_Wh- what?_

_I said demon in Brooklyn._

_Jace I live here. Brooklyn I mean._

Silence fell once more. _Clary, get home and get inside okay? I'm pretty sure th- _but as she listened, the link faded away. _Jace? _Clary just called mentally. _Jace? Jace! _

There was nothing but silence. It was… odd. Nothing there at all. Clary's heart started to hammer against her chest. Where was Jace? Where was he? Was he okay? A demon in Brooklyn… she wanted to warn Luke and her mother, but they'd only call her insane.

As the car rolled off BrooklynBridge and back onto the main road, Clary sighed to herself in relief as she felt the link return. _Jace?_

_Clary can you hear me?_

_Yes. What happened?_

_I don't know. Everything just… vanished for a moment. It's never done that before._

_Jace?_

_Yes?_

_Be careful._

_I always am. Gotta run, got damsels in distress to save._

The link ended again, but Clary could feel it. Like she always could.

**-Review :D**


	3. Crazy

**And the next! Thank you so much for the reviews :') they're really encouraging me to write one of these chapters everyday. So I guess the more reviews I get the more motivated I am. Anyway, next chapter! Mwhahaha let the fun begin! Don't forget, it's AU. So no complaining about "wtf that doesn't happen" like someone usually does. Sigh. Enjoy! Next up soon and drop a review my lovelies! x**

* * *

They couldn't share pictures mentally, but when either of them dreamed, it leaked into the others head too if they were asleep at the same time.

While Clary's dreams were of angels, and a boy with such blonde hair it was almost like a halo, Jace's were anything but at times.

Tonight, she found herself waking up with a girls name upon her lips. Moaning it almost. Someone called Bethany. Clary's eyes snapped open, clamping a hand over her mouth. _Oh god, _she just thought to herself. _You bastard Jace. You bastard-! You were fucking a- just no!_

Clary felt the link waver for a moment as he woke up, muttering sleepily, _Wh-? Clary?_

_Could you refrain from having sexual dreams?!_

_I didn't-_

_Yes you did! A Bethany! She was naked! _

_Oh._

_Don't you 'oh' me! The things I saw… Jace! The things I saw!_

_Well I'm not a virgin Clary. And I can't control what I dream about, can I?_

_I don't want to know! Just keep your filthy dreams out of my head! _Clary blocked him out, throwing up her walls while feeling grumpy. She could feel him attempting to pull them down, but she'd grown good at keeping them up.

"God I need a shower now," Clary grumbled to herself, tiptoeing across the landing into the bathroom. She stripped out of her pajamas and turned on the shower, stepping into it once it was warm enough. She needed a shower anyway before college, so this saved her the bother in the morning.

As the hot water poured over her head, the glass of the shower steaming up, Clary thought about Jace. She was thankful the barriers were still up. She didn't want him to know she thought about him in the shower.

_Wow, _she thought to herself, _that sounded so wrong. _

Something was nagging at her. Jealousy she realized. Clary sighed, resting her head back against the cool tiles, the water dripping from the tip of her nose. Jealous of a girl she didn't know touching a boy she had known all her life, but had never met.

This was Clary's biggest secret; it wasn't Simon that she loved, it was Jace. Or at least, she believed she was in love with him. But it was all so complicated and Clary spent most days quashing all thoughts away.

Jace Wayland was a boy who existed inside her head.

How could you fall in love with someone this way? It seemed impossible and beyond foolish, but she had.

Clary just never wanted to admit it.

She wondered now what it would be like to have someone want you the way Jace had wanted that girl. To roll around on a bed with them locked at the lips, bodies pressed together. That girl's fingers would have been trailing their way through Jace's hair. Clary had never seen it, but in her minds eye, she could see that wave of gold being tugged at by strangers fingers. That girl's lips upon Jace's own. They would be soft, but rough at the same time. She knew it. jace had that air about him. So tough on the outside, but on the inside? A broken boy.

Clary gave up- thinking such things about her 'imaginary friend' would only lead to disappointment and hurt.

**-Existence-**

Clary never spoke to Jace the next day. Or the next, which annoyed him. All through the day while he was training, he kept asking her to talk to him, but she never did.

"By the Angel," he grumbled aloud, taking the whetstone and starting on his blade. The low grating noise as he sharpened it was the only sound in the weapons room. But it also gave him time to think.

He wanted to crash that prom and meet Clary at long last. But something was stopping him. What if meeting destroyed everything? Simon didn't deserve Clary. He did. All his life he'd been in love with the girl who seemed to exist in only his mind. There was something beautiful about Clary that he just couldn't shake from his head. Jace didn't care what she looked like, he knew who she really was. The girl with the orange hair to him. Fiery like her soul. She burned like the sun. A raging inferno.

You _could _judge on looks alone, but Clary was beautiful in her own way. And he wanted her so much. Simon had no chance if Jace met her. He would have her all to himself.

Hell, he'd even tried to get the thoughts of wanting Clary out of his head by trying other girls. They were nice distractions, but that was it. Jace felt nothing for them. He couldn't connect with them on the same level as Clary.

"By the Angel," Jace murmured to himself again. "Just let me kiss her. Just once." As he allowed his thoughts to wander, he realized his hand holding the whetstone had slipped, the blade slicing his palm cleanly. The sword clattered to the floor, blood staining its edges and pain shooting through his arm. A growl escaped him as he drew his stele from his back pocket, carefully drawing an _iratze. _As he watched, the wound healed up.

_Jace?_

His heart did a double take. _Yes Clary?_

_What happened?_

_Oh I cut myself._

_I felt it. _

Sometimes, if the pain was great enough. Sharp and agonizing, the barriers would be shattered. Like it had now. Clary's walls hadn't been up too much, so the cut had crashed through.

Clary sighed. _Did you do that on purpose just to get me to talk to you?_

_Actually I didn't. I was thinking about you naked. _This wasn't a lie.

_You're adorable._

_I prefer sexy._

Clary tutted. _I have stuff to do. Prom is tomorrow night. Don't get yourself killed._

_If Simon touches below the waist, punch him. And hard. Like I told you when you were twelve._

Clary didn't reply, and Jace chuckled. It was nothing new. He rubbed his palm upon the black jeans he was wearing, planning to toss them in the wash later that night. He and the others had been hunting a demon in Brooklyn but it had slipped away. Damn thing. Jace wasn't giving up though. Sooner or later it would have to rear its ugly head and show itself. He had a good idea where it was though.

There was a clatter as the door was pushed open, Alec peering in. "Jace, have you seen my quiver? The new arrows arrived."

Jace nodded to a spot near a broadsword where the bow was resting, leather quiver next to it. Alec stepped over, snagging it up with a grin. "Thanks," he told Jace before leaving. The golden haired boy just watched him leave, silence falling once more. He was tempted to talk to Clary, but thought better of it. She was probably busy.

And so was he as he got to his feet, grabbing a belt and slinging it over his shoulder, grabbing a pair of seraph blades. Jace slipped back into his room deeper in the Institute, stripping off and changing into his gear. That demon was still out there. And Clary lived in the place it was still lurking. He was going to kill it before it had the chance to attack her. Even if by accident. He had a good idea where it was, after all.

He didn't bother telling Isabelle or anyone as he slipped out of the Institute. They had no idea about Clary. And if they did, they would call him insane and Clary not real. He wasn't insane. He was not insane. He wasn't crazy.

Alec was going to be more than pissed off when he found out he went off alone to kill a demon.

Jace wasn't even aware of the world whizzing by as he walked up the sidewalk, invisible to mundanes. He remembered the conversation he'd overheard the other day. The reason why he hadn't asked Isabelle or Alec to accompany him.

The pair had been in the kitchen talking together.

"We're losing him," Alec had told Isabelle, his hands upon the table. "He's just… he's not himself anymore. He's so quiet and he hardly talks."

Isabelle groaned, closing her eyes. "Just talk to him. Find out what's wrong."

"I did! There's nothing wrong, he told me. But I know he's lying. Jace is depressed, Isabelle. It's like he doesn't care about anything anymore. Or feel anything. I keep having a go at him about being a stupid idiot, taking stupid risks but it's doing nothing."

"That's Jace for you."

"No Izzy it's not. He's not old Jace anymore. He's just… sad? He never smiles. Jace never laughs anymore Iz. And I don't know what to do. He's going to do something so stupid and get himself killed, not caring about what we think about it. This isn't the Jace I became _parabatai _with. Something's so very wrong with him."

Jace had left before he heard anymore. It hurt him, his _parabatai's _words, but he never let it show. But Alec had been right, though. He wasn't the same anymore, and he had no idea why. Alec was right about the smiling thing too. Jace couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled. Well Clary made him smile. But that was it.

_Fuck everything. Just… fuck it all._

_Jace?_

Clary had no idea just how depressed Jace really was, and that was the way he wanted to keep it. _It's fine Clary. Just ranting to myself._

_Okay. You know where I am.._

The link ended and he missed her already.

He needed to get a grip before he lost himself. Clary was the only thing keeping him sane and he knew it.

The Sensor in his back pocket started vibrating lightly and Jace knew the demon was nearby. Silently he pulled out his seraph blade, murmuring its name. Jace traced a finger along the now sharp edge, aureate eyes flickering down.

He was too reckless for his own good.

The demon was twice his size, crouched behind a line of bins outside the back of the Chinese restaurant. The alleyway was narrow, too narrow for the demon to face him properly. Its shoulders that resembled two sharpened points of bone would scrape against it. Jace wrinkled up his nose- it looked like a bag of bones with flesh dripped all over it, long talons upon its hand and feet. It was ugly.

"Now that's a face only a mother could love," he smirked at the creature. It shrieked at him, lunging forwards, making another noise that caused the hair to stand up at the back of his neck. Jace laughed, turning away and dashing back down the alley. The demon was too dumb to notice the alleyway getting narrower near the end. It screamed in frustration as it got wedged and Jace slashed at its face, blinding it in an instant. A second later, the seraph blade had pierced its heart. It exploded, and quite literally.

Jace yelled, stumbling backwards as demonic ichor sprayed his face, hurriedly wiping it off.

Something was stinging in his arm. A barb from the demons back. It had caught him, digging into his arm. He ripped it out and threw it aside, but the damage was done.

Jace's world whirled around him, stumbling backwards against the wall. The seraph blade fell from his hand. His fingers were slipping as he grabbed his phone, knowing that he wouldn't be able to dash back to the Institute in time. Jace ignored Alec's yelling to tell him where he was. "I'm sorry," he just sighed quietly into the phone as he slid down the wall, sitting next to the upturned dustbins with his head on fire and breathing heavy.

_Jace-!_

He could hear Clary yelling, fear in her voice. Had she felt the sting? Was she okay? Jace had faith in Alec, that he and Izzy would get there in time. _Blasted demon caught me with its stinger, _Jace laughed mentally, voice weak. _I'm fine._

_You really don't sound fine. Jace where are you?! Tell me now._

_No._

_Jace-! Tell me! You're real. I know you are._

_Clary-_

_Tell me where you are you bastard or so help me I will tear the city apart looking for you._

Jace laughed at that, beads of sweat causing his hair to stick to his forehead. _Clary, I don't want you in my world. It's dangerous. Dark and lethal. You have no place in it. I won't let you._

_But you're my best friend. And you are _real. _Tell me where you are right now. You sound like you're dying._

_I am dying._

_Jace-! I'm not joking around here!_

_Good. That wasn't very funny. _

He was laughing again, and his eyes closed with the ghost of a smile still upon his lips.

**-Review :D**


	4. Real

**And the next my glorious little sausages! Again, thank you for the lovely reviews they make me smile so much. Here's another long chapter, the longest yet because of them :) anyway… read on! I hope you like it and carry on reviewing thank you! x**

* * *

When Jace woke up, it wasn't from Clary's voice inside his head, but another.

_Mr. Wayland will be fine. The effects of the demon poison will have worn off by nightfall. But there are other concerns-_

Jace didn't hear the rest as his eyes widened, heaving himself over the edge of the bed as he thought he was going to throw up. All he could taste in his mouth was something dark and bitter. It was choking him. He coughed until his chest was hurting and throat raw. There was nothing to throw up though.

He lay back down, listening to the Silent Brother that was stood next to him, talking to Maryse. There was someone on his other side he noticed. Max. His eyes were wide in worry. A smile twitched onto Jace's lips as he told the young boy, "hey, don't look so worried. I'm not going down without a fight."

The boy's dark hair was flopping into his eyes, brows pinched with worry. "But Brother Joseph said that there's something wrong with you?"

"Did he now?" Jace glanced up at the Silent Brother. As usual, he was stood there with his parchment colored hood up, disfigured face cloaked in shadows. "What do you mean?"

_I mean, Jonathan Wayland, is that your mind has been tampered with._

"Excuse me?"

Maryse Lightwood frowned, rising from her seat. "By the demon poison?"

_No. This kind of tampering can only be bought on by a warlock. A very powerful one at that. Or a demon of high status. _

_Jace? Jace can you hear me?_

Brother Joseph flinched. Jace had never in his life seen a Silent Brother flinch. He just stood there staring at the blonde haired Shadowhunter before asking, and from his tone and Maryse's confused look, he knew only he could hear.

_Who is this girl?_

_Huh? Who is that? Jace?_

Jace just sat there, frozen on the spot. How had she heard Brother Joseph-?

_What is your name? _The Silent Brother asked her, and he sounded curious Jace noticed. A pause, then _Clary. My name is Clary. Jace? Is Jace there?_

_Your last name Clary?_

_Who… no. _The link ended and Jace sat there with his hands in his lap. Silence, then Brother Joseph spoke. _This is beyond the capabilities of one warlock. There is another soul inside your head, Jonathan Wayland. How long has this been happening?_

Maryse could hear now, and she was more than confused. "A soul inside Jace's head-?" she frowned out, looking between the two. Jace was sat on the bed not making eye contact with anyone, not even Max. He wondered if he looked like a boy in a candy shop caught with his hand in the jar.

"It's been happening since I was about eight," Jace told them quietly. "I was just at the Wayland mansion with my father and it… started. Out of the blue. One moment it was just me with my thoughts, then Clary was there."

Maryse scowled. "Who is Clary?"

_The girl inside Jonathan's head, _Brother Joseph explained. _From what I have seen, the nature of the connection, Jonathan and Clary's minds were joined when they were young somehow. The connection is harsh, but professionally done. The work of a demon of incredible power._

"But I have never met Clary," Jace scowled. "How can we be connected?" he was looking at Maryse who was just staring as if he was insane. "For all these years, _there's been someone talking to you inside your head?_"

Jace wasn't fazed as he nodded. "Yes. And her name is Clary."

"Why did you say nothing?!"

Jace was laughing now, and it was dark. He met Maryse's eyes that were both worried and skeptic, as if he was making it all up. "If I had told you," Jace started. "Would you have believed me? "Oh Maryse, by the way I've been talking to a girl inside my head. I swear I'm not insane it's just normal for me."" His eyes were narrowed now. "Well?"

Maryse never replied.

Jace looked up at Brother Joseph. "Can I leave?"

_You may, the demon poison is significantly less. But no training or anything too strenuous. Expect the council to call on you concerning this Miss. Clary by the end of the week. Something of this sort has never happened before. Your links are on a Silent Brother level. But there are no runes of the Brotherhood upon you. _

"Clary is a mundane," Jace added now. Almost instantly, he regretted it as Maryse scowled. "You told a mundane all about what you are? About the Shadow World?!"

"Clary would never tell."

"She is a danger to us all and the Clave!" the woman growled, narrowing her eyes. "Children when you met or not, you do not know this girl."

Jace snapped at that, getting to his feet. They were bare. "I know her better than anyone," he told her coldly. "As she does me." His boots were under the infirmary bed. He yanked them on roughly, grabbing his jacket from the chair Max was sat on and storming out of the ward, calling back with his voice sounding harsh, even for him, "don't worry, I'm not going to do anything 'too strenuous. '"

**-Existence-**

Clary got ready for prom feeling nervous. Her thoughts were on Jace.

What had happened to him? And who else had been there when they were talking? But Jace was okay though. He'd survived.

_Hey Clary can you hear me?_

The fingers that were doing up her necklace slipped, the trinket clattering onto the floor. She picked it up and affixed around her neck before replying with, _who was that earlier?_

_A Silent Brother._

_Those monk things you don't like?_

_Exactly them._

_What did they want? They heard me Jace! How!? _She was going to sweat off her make up, she just knew it. Clary was afraid. For one thing, it was proof that Jace's stories weren't false.

There really was a world hidden within her own, and it was dangerous. Jace was dangerous, hunting these things down. She'd never felt so worried for him before.

Jace was silent for a moment, and she didn't like it. But then, _it's fine Clary. Really. _

_But what if they come after me simply because we can talk like this! I swear I will punch them._

_And I don't doubt that. _

Silence.

_Your prom is tonight, isn't it?_

_Yes. _Clary bit at her glossed bottom lip with her teeth for a moment. _I'm waiting for Simon to arrive._

_Where is this prom? At your school?_

_St. Xavier's. _

_Stay safe._

_I will._

**-Existence-**

Jace knew where his feet were leading him. Where they wanted him to go.

Right to Clary.

He didn't tell her though, and he made sure the rune upon his arm was working as he walked through the crowds. Jace was utterly invisible to the mundanes.

Clary wouldn't see him, and that suited him just fine.

A part of him wanted to go up and talk to her, but then he was scared. He really was scared. It wasn't the kind of fear he'd feel if he was facing a demon. But then, Jace never got scared facing demons. Clary was something different. So much better, but so much more terrifying.

He just wanted to look at her. See her with his own two eyes. proof that she was real at long last. Jace already knew that she was real, but there was always something at the back of his mind telling him it was just false hope. That a girl as perfect as Clary was just a figment of his imagination.

St. Xavier's wasn't as big as he was expecting, and as he stood across the road with the sun setting behind him, the dying rays reflecting off his golden hair, Jace just watched the limo's pull up before the place. The mundie teenagers were giggling and running around with high heels on.

There was a clatter as a van pulled up outside the place, and Jace just stared- who in their right mind would bring a girl to a dance in a vehicle like that? Disgusting. It looked like it was falling apart.

Jace watched a boy with a mop of brown hair that had been smoothed help a girl in a green dress out of the passenger side. Her hair was ginger.

His heart jumped. Could it be? No. That was too quick and too easy. Way too easy.

Jace started forwards now, eyes fixed on the back of the girl. She was so small and soft looking. Her shoulders were bare in her dark emerald ball gown, light freckles dusting them. Her hair was a cascade of ginger curls that mirrored the sunset behind them. If she turned around and he saw her face…

He didn't want to think about it. What would he do? To be so close to someone he already knew so well but had never met…

The girl's escort was wearing glasses, a boyish face and a black tuxedo. _Simon, _Jace realized. The mundane that loved Clary.

Jace glared at the back of his head, aureate eyes narrowing. But he did nothing.

He slipped into the dance without being seen, and quite literally, walking through the crowd without brushing anyone. If Jace did touch anyone as he pursued Clary across the dance floor, he wasn't aware. His eyes were fixed on here and only her.

He just needed to see her face. Just once.

The music was loud, and even though the theme was EnchantedForest, Jace noticed it was more like the Pandemonium Club further in town. Demons loved that place. It made a great hunting spot. The noise and chatter was deafening him.

Strobe lights were making his head spin, remembering what Brother Joseph had told him. To not exert himself.

His head hurt. He couldn't feel Clary for one thing. It was like the previous time when it just vanished. Normally, Jace would have freaked out but now? When she was so, so close to him? He didn't care.

Jace left the dance floor now to sit on the edge of it, a hard plastic chair under him. A few times people came over to sit upon it but he merely stuck his leg out and watched in amusement as they fell over. One girl even broke her brand new heels and cried. Jace found it funny.

He would have watched, but his attention was on Clary. By the Angel, why wouldn't she turn around so he could _see _her?

And then, she did. And Jace sat there, the commotion and mass of bodies dancing under the multicolored lights fading away into nothing.

Clary was beautiful. To others, maybe not from how unusual she looked with orange hair and freckles, but to Jace she was perfect. So small and delicate. He caught sight of a smile as Simon bought her a drink over, her emerald eyes sparkling.

It hurt. Seeing her in the flesh physically hurt him. Jace just sat there staring, but then realized he hadn't breathed in a good while. He exhaled, not caring how loud it was. He was in shock. Of all things to expect of the girl inside his head, it hadn't been that.

What _had _he been expecting? He had no idea.

Jace just watched with his breathing heavier than usual as she started dancing with Simon, laughing as he twirled her around and caught her. There was such a wide grin upon the mundie's face, confidence growing as he watched. The way Clary smiled… oh it lit up the room to Jace.

He caught sight of his reflection in the glass behind him, not knowing how to react when he saw that his pupils were dilated. Jace had never seen them that way before. What did dilated pupils mean? Isabelle had mentioned it once.

And then he realized- your eyes dilated when you looked at someone you loved.

Jace loved Clary. He couldn't deny it. This was the first time he'd ever seen her in the flesh, but his heart already belonged to her.

He just couldn't stop staring at her.

And she was staring right back.

Jace blinked. Clary was looking directly at him with a light frown creasing her features. He sat there stock still- she was a mundane, how could she see him?

But then, hesitantly, she turned away and Jace breathed out a sigh of relief. She hadn't seen him.

Jace sat there for the rest of the dance, content to watch the girl he secretly loved dance with the mundane. It was funny too, since that same mundane couldn't dance. It was much like spazzing and jerking around. Jace saw him tread on Clary's toes a few times, but she never winced or pushed him away. She was a tough little thing.

He left after a while. His band members called him over for help setting up the stage and Clary was left there. Before she could even take one step towards leaving the dance floor, Jace was getting to his feet. But he didn't take a step forwards. What would he do? Or say? She couldn't even see.

Clary left the room and Jace followed her, a silent shadow. He had no idea where she was going, for it was like she was leading him through the twists and turns of the school. Then she slipped out of the door and went around the back. The bleachers were up ahead.

"I think it's because we were so close that we couldn't hear each other," she suddenly said. "Like now. We're so close I can't hear you at all."

Jace stopped dead, watching Clary seat herself down upon the metal. She hadn't looked at him yet, just staring at his feet.

Silence, then she looked up and finally met his eyes. Jace couldn't see just how green they were from the shadows, the only light from the windows of the gym. But it was enough to make her dress sparkle. For a moment they just stared at each other, then Clary muttered out, "you're real. You're… real."

"As are you," Jace simply replied. He couldn't take her eyes off her. "You look enchanting," he told her now, the words slipping from him before he could stop them. He didn't want to be witty or rude. Not now. Not in her presence right at this moment.

Clary's cheeks went red as she smiled. "And you look… like you just got out of bed."

"Actually, I just have." So much for the non-witty comebacks. Clary rolled her eyes, getting to her feet but not coming any closer. Her eyes were taking in the dark runes that were upon his arms. She was blinking hard, as if trying to clear her vision.

She stalked forwards, grabbing his hand and pulling his cuff back a little to expose the _voyance _rune on the back of his hand. Clary just stared.

And so did Jace as he realized. "You can see it?" he asked, frowning.

Clary nodded. "Yes."

She shouldn't have been able to. Did she have Clave blood? Was… this another factor why it was they had been linked? Those two in particular?

Jace realized that their hands were touching. He was touching her. All those years of Clary just being a voice and here she was. So solid, so beautiful. Before he could stop himself, he twined his fingers with her own. Compared to Jace's calloused Shadowhunter fingers, Clary's were soft and so different. Worlds apart.

And then she laughed, her face a wide smile as she looked up at him. "Hello," she told him in amusement. Jace couldn't stop the grin that mirrored Clary's own. "Hello there," he replied. They just laughed for a moment, fingers still twined together. They couldn't hear each other's thoughts like they had all their lives, but no words, mental or out loud needed to be spoken. There was no sentence, no phrase nor word in the world that could have described how they felt about meeting each other at long last. It was nerves, it was fear, excitement, love in Jace's case, and so much more. So many human emotions that it hurt. Jace thought his heart was going to burst. He wanted to tug her closer, cuddle that small form into his chest and press such a delicate kiss to her forehead. And then her lips. Those lips looked so inviting.

Even though the night air was chilly, the pair felt warm. Jace couldn't breathe. He wondered if Clary felt the same way, or how he looked to her. Did he look like he was about to just yank her forwards and kiss her until they both couldn't breathe? That they were gasping for air?

_"Clary?"_

Jace just stood frozen to the spot as Simon came around the corner. Clary's eyes widened, looking between the pair before starting towards Simon. Jace glared at the mundane. Of all times to come and look for her.

Jace knew Clary was trying to buy herself some more time with him, but there was nothing to be done. Simon successfully dragged her back inside for another dance, grinning the whole time.

The Shadowhunter wanted to punch him so hard that his glasses snapped in two.

With a sigh, Jace followed the pair inside.

He soon wished he hadn't.

As he watched, Simon leaned forwards and caught Clary's lips with his own in a kiss. Jace saw the girl stiffen, but then soften just enough to kiss him back.

She kissed him back.

_She kissed him back._

Jace felt like he was going to throw up. He knew Clary didn't love Simon. Why had she let him kiss her? Why? _Just why? _

He left the dance before Clary could see that he'd seen the entire thing. Jace just wanted to go back and break Simon's nose, but he didn't. He couldn't. Simon was a dumb mundane, the most mundane mundane he'd ever seen. And a teenage boy in love. A foolish teenage boy in love.

_Then again, so am I, _Jace reminded himself as he stalked off down the street, fists clenched at his side. _Why would she fucking love _me? _I was just a figment of her imagination until now. How could you love someone that way?_

He stopped before he went on. He was contradicting himself.

Clary's theory had been right, Jace realized as he finally made it back to the Institute. He could feel the link now they were a good distance away.

The Institute was strangely empty. Only Maryse was there, and she was shut up in the bathroom taking a shower. Max was there too, lying in his room reading. Where was everyone? He walked to his bedroom, sitting down upon the edge of the bed.

_Jace. Talk to me._

He ignored the girl as he shrugged off his coat, rubbing his palm on the covers of his bed. Jace just wanted to get the feel of Clary off his skin. She'd never be his. Never. The odds were too high and now? It was more than impossible. The mere idea made him feel sick. He just felt… betrayed.

As if Clary was his soul mate, but refused to acknowledge it.

_What a stupid idea that is _he thought to himself with a growl. _I never should have gone. We never should have met._

_Jace…_

_Leave me alone Clary._

_No Jace please don't shut me out there are… there are your kind here. Shadowhunters. They have runes like you. _

She sounded scared and Jace knew she wasn't lying. He rose to his feet, frowning. _Clary what do you mean?_

_I mean, you ass, that there are Shadowhunter's here at the damn dance! People like you! _

_What do they look like?_

_I don't know. I'm hiding behind the bleachers. But the one that found me had white blonde hair. He called me Clarissa. He called me… he called me his little sister. I punched him in the face and ran before he could grab me. There were others too. Oh god Jace. This is not _happening-!

He had to act. And act now.

_Clary stay there._

_I plan to._

Jace ran. He didn't even pull his jacket back on, just shoving a seraph blade into his belt. What if he was too late? Who was after Clary? _What if he was too late._

And he was. As Jace arrived at the bleachers, chest heaving from how fast and far he'd run, there was no one there.

"Clary?" he called out loud and mentally, exhausted. "Clary?!"

There was no reply.

**-Review! :D**


	5. Blame

**Well, I thought I'd be nice and upload this chapter as well since I just finished editing it. So uh, usual stuff. Thank you for the reviews! Cookies for everyone! Have some Ben and Jerrys ice cream too while your at it. ANYWAY. *Skips off to make a start on the next chapter* review my lovelies and thank you! x**

* * *

Jace had never been so thankful for the connection as he carried on calling out mentally for her.

_Jace? _The link was fading fast.

_Clary? Where are you?_

_I'm- _but then it cut off and Jace swore to himself. He had to get back to the Institute. Clary was real. Real and in danger. Just… how had other Shadowhunter's known about their connection? And Clary had no brother, he knew that.

Something was so wrong.

Jace's head was hurting as he shoved open the doors of the Institute, temples stinging. It hurt, but he ignored it as he called, "Alec! Izzy! Where are you, or so help me-!"

There were footsteps and the boy appeared around the corner, looking startled. "Jace-?" he just frowned, sapphire eyes fixed upon the boy. "What's wrong with you?"

Jace didn't understand. He stood there in the entrance hall of the Institute staring at his _parabatai. _Alec darted forwards, growling out, "your nose is bleeding."

The golden haired boy blinked, raising a hand to his nose. When he pulled it away, it was scarlet. Alec growled now. "Are you telling me you didn't notice? What the hell is wrong with you Jace?!"

Jace just stared with his ears ringing. The link was faded in a way that he knew meant…

"Where is she?" he demanded, not caring about his head or nose. Alec caught Jace's wrists to stop him stalking forwards, a look of concern and surprise on his face. "Jace stop."

"Let go of me!" Jace snarled with such venom the boy let him go instantly from shock. He stood there with his chest heaving and head hurting to a point where he'd fisted a hand into his hair.

"She's the one doing this to you," Alec whispered, shaking his head with his expression hard. "Don't you see it?"

"And how do you figure that out? We've been connected for so many years and nothing has happened. Stop blaming Clary."

"Because," Alec snapped, "normal people don't have someone else inside their head Jace! We're _parabatai _and you never told me!? Didn't you think it was at least a _bit _out of the ordinary?!"

"Of course." Jace said nothing else. Alec gave up, shaking his head a little. "Jace," he sighed. "Yes she's here. But you can't see her. The Silent Brothers are coming over to assess if she can go to the SilentCity tomorrow evening. They've never let a mundane in before. But in this circumstance, how peculiar it is-"

"She isn't a mundane."

"What?"

Jace narrowed his eyes, wiping his nose on the hem of his t-shirt. "Clary saw me when I had runes on me. I mean, she saw through the glamour. And she saw the runes too. She isn't a mundane."

Alec was staring as if he'd gone mad. Maybe he really was going mad. The way he kept getting angry… how his head hurt. Maybe something was wrong with him after all?

"Let me see her," Jace asked quietly. Either way, with him stepping aside or not, he was going to storm through the Institute until he found her.

Alec snorted. "No." Instantly, Jace pushed past and Alec caught his wrist to stop him. Jace snapped, yanking his wrist away and saying in a low, dangerous voice, "I know where you all were earlier. You followed me to Clary so you could pluck her as soon as I left. You were watching us. I'm not stupid."

"Jace-"

"Get the hell off me Alec or I'll break your nose. I swear on the Angel." He wasn't lying. Alec let him go, shaking his head a little. "Jace. Calm down. This isn't you."

"This is me," Jace merely retorted. "Now where is she?"

Silence.

"Infirmary."

Jace's eyes narrowed once more. "What did you all do to her?" his voice was low once more. Alec shook his head. "We did nothing. There was blood on her hand. We thought it was hers, but it wasn't. She ran and Isabelle caught her with her whip and she tripped and knocked herself out on the bleachers. She's awake now."

_The boy who had been chasing her, _Jace realized.

"Was there anyone else there?" he demanded now. "The one Clary was running from before you all showed up?"

Alec shook his head. "No," he replied slowly, suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"There was someone else after her," Jace told him flatly, starting to walk towards the Infirmary. Alec was following him, listening with a frown upon his face. "How do you know that?"

"Because she was scared Alec. There was someone chasing her well before you all turned up. And I want to know who it is."

He wanted a lot of things. But for now, he just wanted to see _her._ Make sure she was safe and sound. And he was tired. More than tired. The demon venom was still fading and he hadn't listened to the Silent Brothers at all. He felt like falling to the floor, but stayed on his feet.

_"Jace you're going to collapse in a moment. Goddamn you! Do you want to-!"_

But Jace never heard the rest of Alec's words as the world whirled around him once more and he grabbed onto the midnight haired boy's shoulder to stop himself falling. Alec Lightwood swore out loud, draping one of his _parabatai's _arms over his shoulder and leading him away from the Infirmary. He half dragged, half supported Jace until he reached his room, shoving the door open with his foot. Alec deposited Jace upon the bed, pulling the covers up over him. At least his nose had stopped bleeding, so he wouldn't choke in the night.

But things weren't good though. Alec had been sure something was terribly wrong with Jace, but now? Now he was convinced.

And it was all _her _fault.

**-Existence-**

_Clary froze as she saw Jace stalk out of the room, eyes widening._

_"Clary?" Simon had asked her, voice curious. Not from the way she was looking at the doorway, but for another reason. Clary blinked, looking back to him. He had just kissed her after all, and she'd kissed him back because she'd been too startled to do anything else. Jace had seen the entire thing, she was sure. Why was she so angry at Simon?_

_"Yes?" she asked him and he just stared at her even more, glasses crooked just a fraction. "Well," Simon spluttered, "I- I just kissed you-?"_

_"Yes." She felt dazed, wanting to go after Jace more than anything. Why had he reacted quite like that? He'd looked faintly sick._

_Simon was gazing at her with hurt in his eyes now. Even more so when she told him, "I can't talk now Simon." And then she left him stood there, staring after her with a reproachful look on his face._

_She knew she was being cruel, but she didn't care. All she could think was that she needed to find Jace. He was real. So real and so gorgeous. Jace, the real Jace… he'd been so much better than her dreams. Her drawings hadn't done him justice. The way his hair was a halo of gold, it had made her star as if he was an angel. But then, he was half angel. Nephilim. _

_When she'd seen that boy sat watching her dance with Simon, she'd known who it was. Not from the dark runes upon his arms, or anything else… but a feeling deep down inside her. _

_No boy had ever looked at her that way before. Not even Simon._

_It had woken her up, heart skipping a beat. _

_And it wasn't fair to let Simon think he had a chance with her. Because meeting Jace… it had almost made her cry. They'd held hands, laughing with each other until Simon had come out and ruined it all._

_The boy had no idea what he'd interrupted. Clary had wanted to kiss him so badly._

_She'd taken off after the Shadowhunter, calling for him. But he was gone. She was next to tears._

"Clary Fray?"

_Clary blinked, turning on her heels to face a new figure. He was tall, incredibly good looking with ragged white blonde hair that was stark against the darkness surrounding them. Clary met his eyes, but couldn't see them. They were black. Blacker than hell. _

_She saw a ring glinting on his finger, and a dark shape on the back of his hand. Like Jace. He was even standing in a way that mirrored Jace._

_He was like him._

_"Who's asking?" she asked cautiously. There was something not quite right. A darkness about him. Where Jace had been light, making her feel giddy, this boy made her want to run._

_He cocked his head a little, gazing down at her. Even with her heels on, she was nowhere near his height. "Clarissa Fray," he'd mused. "My little sister. I've come to take you home. Your real home. You have questions about your link with Jace? I have the answers. And they're all yours if you come."_

_"Excuse me?" Clary was backing away. She wanted to kick off her heels so she could run, but they were strapped securely around her ankles. As she took another step back, he growled and a hand caught her wrist. It was so tight. It hurt._

_"Get off me-!" she snapped, attempting to wrench herself away but the boy's grip was so vice like there was no chance. He laughed at that, a smile upon his lips. It wasn't a friendly one, it was darker. More a leer. _

_Clary acted on instinct, pulling her arm back and letting it collide with his nose. He'd obviously not been expecting it as he let go of her wrist from the surprise. He yelled out in shock and pain. Clary hoped it was broken from the blood upon her hand._

_Clary ran. Ran as fast as she could._

_It was only when the reached the bleachers once more that she looked around. There was no one in sight. Jace had told her to stay put, and she was going to._

_He'd come. She trusted him._

_But others had come first. More Shadowhunters. And what they had said had both scared and angered her._

_That she was coming with them. No matter the fuss._

_When she'd turned and ran once more, something had caught her ankle, bringing her crashing to the floor where everything had gone black._

Clary had woken up not long after though, Jace yelling inside her head where she was. But the link had been cut off a moment later. She didn't know where she was herself. She was sat in what looked like an infirmary with a Rococo themed ceiling above her. The motifs of angels and other things made her stare for a moment. The brushwork was exquisite.

_"Finally," _a voice within the room said. Clary's head snapped towards the door where a girl was sat in a chair, looking distinctly bored. She was slim, pretty with long midnight hair that was pulled back into a messy bun, yet still looked gorgeous. Clary wished she could do that. Everytime she tried it, she resembled a 'fluffy carrot' as Simon had put it.

"Where am I?" Clary demanded. The girl just stared. "If you really know Jace that well," she started slowly, "you'll be able to tell me yourself."

A pause.

"An Institute?"

The girl looked disappointed, as if she'd been hoping she'd not be able to answer.

Clary had been moved to a bedroom just down the corridor from the infirmary. She now sat in the middle of the bed with her legs crossed. She was still wearing her prom dress, and she like a fool. Her wrist hurt from where that white blonde haired boy had grabbed it. Plus her ankle was stinging. There was a ring of red around it, almost like a whip had caught her.

She'd been bought food but she hadn't touched it. What was going on? Her mother was going to be freaking out, police and everything. Clary felt cold now at the thought of Jocelyn Fray stood at the window worried to death where her daughter was.

Clary felt like crying. But she wouldn't. Not here.

She heard the door creak open now, and a pair of wide, curious eyes were staring at her. It was a boy, and he couldn't have been much older than ten, Clary thought.

"Hello?" she asked cautiously. The boy had no runes. No Marks.

He said nothing, then, "are you the girl from inside Jace's head?"

Clary didn't know what to say for a start, then she nodded slowly. "Yes I am."

The boy smiled. "Jace likes you a lot."

"Oh. Thank you?"

"But why do you hurt him?" his voice was curious now. He stepped into the room, gazing at her with midnight hair hanging in his eyes. Clary was confused. She sat up straighter, frowning at him "What do you mean I hurt him?"

The boy shook his head a little. "My brother Alec says something's wrong with Jace. That being connected to you is hurting him."

_He'd never, ever mentioned that before. _Clary was sat there frozen, not knowing what to say. "What do you mean?" She asked softly. "Hurting him, I mean?"

"Alec says he's going crazy. Sometimes Jace gets so angry no one can calm him down. He says such bad things… things that he never used to say. It gets worse as he gets older. But this week it's been so bad."

Clary felt sick. Why had Jace never told her about that before? Just… what if this was her fault?

What if she _was _hurting Jace? Killing him from the inside just because they were connected?

She had never felt anything from the connection that hurt.

The guilt came crashing down on her. It was like she had hurt him herself.

"Where is he?" Clary whispered now, getting to her feet. The heels were on the floor and the cool stone floor was freezing under her toes. She ignored the chill. The boy backed away a little. "I'm not allowed to tell you," he told her.

Clary sighed. "What's your name?"

"Max Lightwood."

"Max. Please. I need to see him. All these years I thought he was just imaginary. That he didn't exist except inside my imagination. And I met him last night for the first time and I-" she had almost mentioned the kiss with Simon. "I just need to see him." She needed it so bad it hurt.

The Lightwood stared at her. "You won't hurt him more will you?" he asked. Clary shook her head, eyes widening. "I would never hurt him," she told the boy. And she was telling the truth.

This was Jace's world she'd been dragged into. He'd sworn to her so many times that he'd never let it near her… but you couldn't control some things. Maybe fate did exist.

Incredibly, Max Lightwood gave in, telling the girl "quickly. Before anyone sees."

**-Existence-**

Jace came to with his head heavy. He rolled over in bed, hand fumbling for his phone on the side. He blinked at the glare of the screen as he looked at the time. It was just gone midnight. Great (!)

He sighed and set it back down, tugging the covers more over him. His head hurt, but not as bad as before. The rest had done him good.

There was a soft knock upon the door now. He turned his head just in time to see a small figure slip into the room. Jace sat up, staring with his eyes wide.

"Clary what are you doing here-?" he breathed out. Jace still felt tired, but he was more awake now. Clary found the light switch and pressed it, bathing the room in a soft yellow glow. He didn't care that he was looking an utter mess. His golden hair was wild and tangled, blood from his nose smeared and dried into his shirt.

"I was worried," she told him, seating herself down on the edge of the bed next to him. She looked so pitiful, but was trying to hide it. By the Angel, why had no one given her any clothes to change into? She still had that dress on.

"You were worried?" Jace asked, voice sounding distant. Clary nodded, and he was suddenly aware of the way she was staring at his lips. His heart sped up and before he could stop himself, Jace leaned forwards and caught the girl's lips to his own like he'd wanted to for so many years. She froze at his touch, and then she was kissing him back.

Jace groaned lightly as he wound a hand into her hair, fingers tugging at the pins that were still holding up a fraction of her hair, letting it cascade onto her shoulders, surrounding them in a wave of ginger. So beautiful.

"Clary," he just sighed out in contentment against her lips, letting her push him onto his back. They were so soft, so delicate. Like he'd imagined.

But then those lips were gone and hands were around his neck. There was a growl upon Clary's lips as her fingers tightened, choking him. No matter how hard he pushed, he couldn't get her off him.

Clary's eyes weren't emerald green anymore, but midnight. And she was snarling like the most rabid of demons.

Jace was yelling, still trying to get her off. He couldn't breathe.

Someone else was yelling. And it was his name.

And then the hands were gone, but he was still pinned down. There was a dark snarl upon his lips as he tried to push the hands away from him, but there were too many.

_"Jace calm down-!"_ that was Alec's voice. He sounded scared, frantic and out of breath. Jace lashed out, attempting to get the hands off him with a hiss of "leave me alone!" His fist collided with something, someone, sending them flying backwards.

And then, impossibly, he heard Clary's voice echoing through his head. Maybe fear had allowed her to make the connection, for she was so close. He could feel her. It wasn't the Clary who had been choking him, but his Clary.

_Jace stop it! Just stop! It's not real! _

He stopped fighting the young man who was pinning him down with his sister's help instantly, lying there with his chest heaving, staring up at the ceiling. Jace couldn't breathe. When he raised his hands to his neck, he found them devoid of fingers.

Jace felt the hands restraining him loosen but for one. Alec's sapphire eyes were staring into his own as he asked quietly, "are you back with us?"

The golden haired boy nodded, feeling heavy and sluggish. Alec let him go and Jace saw that a bruise was forming along his left jaw. Fuck. Had he punched him without meaning to?

Jace didn't understand. Nothing like that had ever happened to him before. Nothing of that magnitude.

Was it because he and Clary had met at last? Touched? He didn't understand.

He heard Alec speak now, directing his venomous words towards a small figure stood at the door. "You little bitch."

Jace wanted to look at her, but his hair was hanging in his eyes, lank with sweat. He couldn't see. But he heard rapid, receding footsteps as she left.

_This isn't Clary's fault, _Jace just thought, wishing Alec could hear. _She never did this to me. No matter what you believe. She's innocent. What's happening to me… she didn't do it._

Jace sighed, lying on his back and closing his eyes, ignoring Maryse telling him that first thing tomorrow the Silent Brothers were coming back over, not in the evening. It had to be sorted out. He even heard Isabelle say that he was losing his sanity. Maybe he was.

But all Jace could think about. His heart sinking, was that the kiss with Clary, no matter how brief and violent, hadn't been real.

**- Review! :D **


	6. Together

**Oh would you look at that a super long chapter! WHOOP! Anyway, thanks for the lovely reviews again! As a thanks I did another super long chapter. Hmm, let's say that if this chapter gets like 13 reviews or more, I'll do another super long chapter like this one? Yeah? Okay! Ready set review! Free cookies for all that do. They're Oreos! So yes, thank you again x**

* * *

Jace had always hated the Silent Brothers when they poked about inside his head, but this morning he hated it even more.

They were leaving no stone unturned, no memory not looked at. So much for privacy. Every conversation between Clary, every moment they had together… it had all been dredged up.

He felt better though this morning. His head wasn't hurting at all. But Clary was in the room next door, so it couldn't be the closeness that was hurting him.

Maybe it was the distance? Like a string. If it was pulled taut, there was no give. It would snap after so long. Like how far they had been away from each other. But now with them both so close, it was loose and it had room to move. To give.

This morning, the Brothers were testing the pair's connection. Jace found that at a close range, it was hard to talk to Clary mentally, but not utterly impossible. It tired both of them out with how much effort it took to send even one word, but with practice it was possible. Or, like the previous night, when their emotions were significantly heightened, it created holes for the words to slip through.

Even though they'd been connected for years, they were still learning new things about their link.

Plus the Brothers had been assessing Clary, and the results didn't surprise Jace one bit- she had Shadowhunter blood.

His Clary wasn't a mundane. She wasn't allowed in the SilentCity just yet, but soon once the tests were over.

Inconclusive. That was the results. The Brothers simply had no idea how such a link had been formed. It was beyond their field of expertise.

It frustrated him that he couldn't talk to her. Spend time with her. Alec was keeping an incredibly sharp eye on the pair of them and Jace ended up snapping and snarling at him. The black haired boy simply ignored his complaints and carried on making sure he wasn't anywhere near Clary.

Jace didn't even get the chance to shove Alec out of the way along with a few choice insults, for Clary had demanded that she be allowed to go home before her mother raised such a fuss she'd be on a missing person's poster. Maryse had accompanied her back since Jace wasn't allowed to do it himself.

But he wasn't a fool. Jace sneaked out of the Institute, walking the streets of New York with his glamour down. He ignored the stares from girls at the sight of his arms inked with runes and his hair tangled. He should have changed his shirt but he couldn't be bothered.

_Clary? Can you hear me yet?_

A few minuets and he heard the reply. Faint at first, but then louder.

_I hear you Jace._

_Where are you?_

_Wait until later. Or tonight._

Jace sighed, closing his eyes lightly. He didn't want to wait all day. He wanted her _now. _To throw his arms around that petite form and hug her so hard. Jace wanted to trail his lips down those smooth cheeks until they met her luscious lips.

He wanted her more than anything he'd ever wanted in his life. It was a physical pain, the yearning. Jace had never expected meeting Clary would have such a profound effect on him.

It was like he was waking up at long last. All because of Clary.

_Jace?_

_Yes?_

_This is your world, isn't it? Of monsters and demons and… Shadowhunters. You really are one._

Jace paused before adding quietly, _so are you._

_How though, Jace? This is not possible. _

_Didn't you wonder why Maryse was going with you? Taking you home? _Jace was smiling to himself- his Clary was a Shadowhunter like he was. There was nothing like the Law getting in the way of them both. Jace could have her and he would have her.

_I'm getting possessive, _he thought to himself. _This isn't me. Clary isn't an object. She's a person. A small, beautiful person._

Clary replied before he could think of anything else. _She wants to talk to mom doesn't she? What if… my mom is a Shadowhunter? Or my father was before he died?_

_We'll face that when it happens _Jace promised. Clary scoffed. When _it happens?_

_Well, you are a Shadowhunter Clary. That means one of your parents at least has Clave blood._

_If we're both Shadowhunters, does that mean something else? About our link?_

Jace gazed up at the EmpireState building up ahead, nodding to himself with the world rushing by. _I thought that too._

_Why us Jace? That's all I want to know. _She sighed mentally. _I'm home now and Maryse wants to talk to mom. Wish me luck._

_You always have my l- luck Clary._

Jace had almost said Love.

He spent the next half an hour wandering around the city, leaving communications open with Clary, but she never got in touch. Jace felt miserable in a way he had never felt before. He felt like punching a wall in frustration.

Yes, he'd dreamed of meeting Clary but not like this. Never like this.

"Fuck it all," Jace snarled, turning and heading back towards the Institute. It was just all so confusing. His head hurt.

He wasn't expecting Maryse to have a broken and bloodied nose when he returned. She was sat there drawing an _iratze _on her arm_, _swearing to herself with her brows pinched into a scowl.

Jace blinked, asking, "did you walk into a wall?"

"Yes."

"I'm not surprised."

Maryse narrowed her eyes, rubbing the blood residue away as her nose healed up. "We have a problem," she told him matter-of-factly, rising to her feet. "A major problem."

"Do tell." Jace was amused.

"Clary's mother did this to me," Maryse told him. It was clear from her children's faces that were sat around the table that they all knew already. Isabelle looked faintly surprised from whatever it had been.

Jace was perplexed. "What? Why? Did you entice her into an orgy and-"

"I recognized Clary," Maryse cut in, voice cold. "She looks just like her mother. That's the reason I wanted to accompany her home. As soon as her mother saw me… oh I knew her. Jocelyn Fairchild."

Jace didn't recognize the name. He cocked a brow. "Who? Clary's last name is Fray."

"I doubt she knows the truth. Jocelyn was married. Jocelyn Morgenstern."

There was a pause and then Jace understood. He just stood there staring for a moment processing, then shook his head a little, laughing out, "as in Valentine's wife? He had a wife?"

"And a daughter too apparently," Maryse added quietly.

Alec was glaring at Jace now. "She's Valentine's daughter, Jace. And you've been talking to her your entire life. Fraternizing."

There was silence as Jace thought; Valentine was dead. And Clary had told him all their life that her father was dead. But… she'd called him Jonathan. No talk of Valentine had ever come up. He had told Clary the story, of course. One of their bored nights he told her the entire Uprising story.

Jace knew there and then that Clary had never lied or avoided talk about her father. She truly had no idea.

Just because she was Valentine's daughter, the child of a tyrant… it didn't make her a monster. Or anything like him. Clary had a good heart and was nothing like him.

When Alec scoffed out "with what she's been doing to Jace, she's just like her father," he lost it. Maryse wasn't the only one who sustained a broken nose that day as the blonde haired boy punched him straight in the face, snarling out with aureate eyes blazing. "Don't you dare speak of her that way. You know _nothing. _Nothing at all Alec."

He regretted punching Alec a moment later, but not his words. Isabelle was holding her brother back from returning the punch. Jace's heart was racing with anger and so many other emotions.

And then he wondered something.

"Where is she?" he demanded of Maryse. She'd barely opened her mouth when Jace hissed, "where _is she?!_"

"I have no idea Jace. Jocelyn grabbed her and fled." She arched a brow. "You mean she hasn't gotten in touch?"

Alec was watching Jace's face carefully. At his mother's words, Jace's eyes widened a tiny fraction. But it was enough for the Lightwood to realize something. How had he been so stupid?

"You love her don't you?" he whispered, not knowing whether to feel angry or sick. "That girl is killing you, changing you… and you love her."

Jace didn't reply to that. He just stared at Alec, his expression cold. The room was so silent you could have heard a pin drop. He came back to life, stepping forwards until he was stood before his _parabatai. _He had no intention of punching him again, but he knew he would if no one stopped him. Jace noted that no one had held him back after the first punch.

It was like they were scared of him.

"Love means so many things," Jace started, drawing out his answer. "There are so many types. Such as-"

"Stop. Stalling. And. Answer." Alec's eyes were narrowed. Jace snorted. "So what if I love her? She's been there for me my entire life."

"And I haven't?" Alec's tone was hurt. "By the Angel Jace, you foolish piece of-"

"Enough." Isabelle released her brother, standing between the pair. "Both of you. You're acting like petty children. Yes Alec, I'm shocked that Jace has had this secret for years but I'm not openly hating on him. We all have secrets." She gave him such a dark look that made Alec look away.

His sister was right. They all did have secrets. He did.

He was gay.

Even Jace didn't know.

And he didn't want Jace to know.

_Maybe this is the reason I'm being so outspoken, _Alec realized a moment later. _Because of Jace. What I feel. Or think I feel._

Alec felt confused. More than confused.

He sighed, holding up his hands. "I'm going for a walk. Don't do anything stupid." He directed his last words at Jace before walking out of the room.

Silence fell once more, but was broken by Isabelle asking her mother, "do you really have to go back to Alicante?"

Maryse Lightwood nodded, raising a hand and gingerly touching her now realigned nose. "Yes. Your father can't do the speeches alone and the Clave needs to be notified on Jocelyn. And her daughter. Valentine's daughter." She sighed, looking tired. "For all we know, Valentine could have faked his death too. May the Angel help us if that's true." She left, taking Max with him. He waved at Jace and his sister. But before leaving the room, he told Jace quietly, "I like Clary."

Jace nodded, smiling faintly at the boy. "So do I."

Isabelle turned to her adopted brother now. "Look Jace," she started. "I'm with Alec when he says that he thinks Clary is the one who's hurting you. Changing you."

"Izzy don't you-"

"Shush. I'm not done." Isabelle's arms folded. "But I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose. Nothing of the sort. Clary Fray may really be Clarissa Morgenstern, but that changes nothing. You know her better than any of us could ever hope to." She paused before asking quietly, "do you really love her?"

"Izzy don't go there. I'm not in the mood."

"I was just asking," the girl huffed. With a groan she turned around to the stove, glancing over her shoulder. "So do you want some dinner because I was thinking of making-"

Jace escaped the room before she was even finished.

**-Existence-**

Jace spent the rest of the evening trying to get in touch with Clary and thinking about them both.

Yes. Yes he loved her. No, she probably didn't love him, seeing them as just good friends. And that hurt Jace, but didn't perturb him. He'd protect her like he'd promised her so long ago.

Except, back then, he had no physical power. And now he did.

There was no way in heaven or hell that he'd be parted from her now he had her in the flesh. Never.

Jace was pining. And he didn't care.

His head also hurt. Once again, he had a nosebleed but simply chose to ignore it as he tried again and again in vain to contact Clary.

"Where are you," he groaned to himself, running a hand through his hair for the umpteenth time. It was just a ragged mess of gold now. "Clary…"

_Jace. Jace?_

He sat up, scrambling to hold onto the weak connection. _Clary where are you? Are you safe?_

_I'm fine. You know what happened?_

_I do. Where are you?_

_I'm up at Luke's farmhouse. Mom just… freaked when she saw Maryse. That's her name yes? Lashed out and caught her in the face. _Her voice sounded thick, as if she'd been crying. Jace wanted to hug her so terribly. _Luke dragged us into the pick up and just drove us up here. Where it's safe mom said. I'm not allowed to talk to you… _

_You dare leave now._

_Mom's in the other room. And I don't plan on leaving you… I plan on leaving here._

Jace froze at that, confused. _Leave where?_

_The farmhouse. Jace she told me… she told me enough. Mom is, was, a Shadowhunter and that story you told me when we were younger about Valentine Morgenstern, I- I'm his daughter? It's all a lie? How could she do this to me Jace? I need to get out of here. _Her voice was pleading now. _Please Jace. Come and meet me somewhere. I don't care if I have to walk through the night to meet you._

_Clary. _Jace's voice was soft now. _You're not walking alone in the middle of the night. You may have Shadowhunter blood but you are not one._

_But I know everything about them Jace. You told me the stories and the runes… I know it all._

_Clary stay there._

_I don't want to Jace! I. Need. To. Leave. _She sounded like she was crying. _My dad's a monster. And so am I._

_Shut up._

_You heard everyone. It's my fault you're like this. I'm so sorry. _

_Clarissa Fray you shut the hell up right now. I don't care if it's your fault that this is happening to me, I truly don't. I'd trade my sanity every single day without fail just so I could talk to you. You really, truly have no idea how much you are apart of my life. So precious to it. _

Jace had never told her that before. Clary was silent and he thought she'd left. That he'd scared her off.

_Do you really mean that?_

_I do. I care for you so much Clary. _Jace closed his eyes lightly, thinking to himself. _I love you. And I can't help it. maybe being in love with you is what's killing me, what's going to kill me but I don't care. I really and truly do not care._

These were things he couldn't tell her.

_Please come and meet me, _Clary asked in a whisper now. _Please. If you really care that much you'll come._

_Clary-_

_I'm begging you Jace. Actually begging. I don't want to see my mom, or Luke. Just… these lies. I feel sick. I'm not okay Jace._

Her begging and pleading was too much. Jace just sighed, saying quietly, _Clary. Just… _he thought hard about the area. What was there… where could he meet her?

_Clary go get a taxi and get it down to… I don't know. Where?_

_My house? I never got to collect anything when mom dragged me away. I'll tell you the address when you leave. I can't think right now._

_Okay. Go now and I'll meet you there._

_But I have no money. Do you have any idea how _much _that will be-!_

Jace rolled his eyes. _I'll take care of that. Now go while you have the chance and while I haven't changed my mind. Keep in touch. I want to know you're safe._

_Thank you Jace. So much. _The link ended and Jace rubbed at his temple, groaning gently- he shouldn't have been encouraging her but he didn't care. She was coming. And soon.

He was excited. When she gave him the address and he figured out where it was, it only added to the excitement.

Jace dashed and got showered and changed, hurriedly drying his hair. He yanked on black jeans and boots, pulled a white t-shirt over his head and zipped a black leather jacket up. Yes, he was making an effort just for Clary.

He made sure no one knew he was going out as he slipped out of the Institute, cocking a brow at Church as he hissed at him. "Don't go telling anyone now you little bastard," he warned the cat.

**-Existence-**

Jace sat there outside the house for hours. It had just gone midnight but he didn't care. Clary was in the taxi and heading down. She was safe and she was coming.

The night was warm, but it would cool down soon enough. Jace had shrugged his jacket off after a while and was lying with his head rested on it. To mundies he was invisible, so there was no danger of someone seeing. Clary would see him.

There was just more danger of someone stepping on him. But since it was so late and so dark but for the streetlamps, there was no chance of anyone being around. Just him and the silence. And occasionally the sound of a car passing by.

Jace lay there staring up at the stars, his head throbbing lightly, but not painful. More like an annoyance.

The sky was clear and devoid of clouds. A perfect starry night with the sickle moon hanging low. He'd just finished counting all the stars he could see when a pair of headlights lit up the front of the building. Jace sat up, staring at the taxi that pulled up outside. He watched as it stopped and sat there, idling. The back passenger door opened and Jace was left to stare at Clary. He got to his feet and stepped forwards until he faced her, asking quietly, "are you okay?"

She nodded, staring up at him with a faint smile upon her face. Clary looked tired and Jace noted he couldn't hear her inside his head anymore. It was strangely quiet in there.

The taxi driver beeped his horn, and Jace cocked a brow at him- it was well past midnight and everyone would be asleep. He had no consideration.

"Oi," the driver called out the window at the pair of them. "Girl. Stop talking to yourself and pay me already. It's late and I have to drive home now."

Clary looked to Jace who merely smiled darkly. "I'll take care of him."

"Jace-"

"Waiting," the driver snarled, climbing out of the taxi. Jace noted that he was tall, burly with short black hair. Of all taxi drivers for Clary to pick, he cursed, she had to pick a violent one. He was right in his assumption as the driver hissed, "I don't care if you're a little girl. I want my money."

Clary scowled and opened her mouth to reply but the man went to grab her.

Not that Jace was going to let him even touch her. In a flash he'd punched the driver so hard in the side of the head he knocked him clean out. Jace hissed, running a hand over his injured one. It felt broken with how hard he'd punched him.

Clary ignored the driver who was lying motionless and face down on the sidewalk, but asked Jace, concern in her face, "are you okay?"

He nodded, drawing out his stele and drawing a swift healing rune before slipping it away again. "I'm peachy. Now, have you got the key?"

The girl stared at him with wide eyes that looked like a shadowy emerald in the darkness. She nodded slowly and Jace merely told her, "go grab some stuff. A bag with clothes. Five minuets and we leave. We can't stay here. It's too dangerous."

Clary was gone, dashing towards the house.

Jace turned his attention to the driver now, grabbing him and shoving him roughly into the front seat. It wasn't just demons that were monsters, mundanes could be too. He shut the door, snorting lightly- fucking mundie bastard who thought he could touch his Clary.

And speaking of Clary, she was back with a bag. But he still noticed that she didn't have a coat and the night was getting chilly. She saw his raised eyebrow and sighe. "I left it behind by accident."

Jace shrugged off his jacket and held it out for her without a moment's hesitation. Clary could see from the determined look in his eyes that he wouldn't take No for an answer. She pulled it on and shivered a little in the night air. "Now where?" she asked Jace.

He hadn't thought that far ahead. Jace shook his head, thinking hard. "Have you got any money at all?" he asked her. Clary nodded. "I have some. I... took it from mom's purse incase I needed it."

"I have some," Jace nodded. He was tired. So very tired. Part of him wanted to go back to the Institute but he couldn't. Nor could they spend the night in Clary's house because it would be the first place her mother would look. Damn.

"We'll grab a motel or something," Jace sighed. "And figure out what to do in the morning. I can't… I can't think right now." His head was starting to truly throb and spin. Clary started forwards, but stopped before she could touch him.

"Okay," she agreed, glancing towards her house. "Let's just find somewhere. Can you walk?"

"I'm not a weakling, Clary," he snapped, sounding cold without meaning to. Clary arched a brow. "Don't use that tone with me."

As she started to walk down the street, pulling Jace's jacket more around her, he smiled. It was hard not to with her around.

They walked for a good half an hour before finding a place. The Sunnyside Motel. Jace's head was spinning even more by the time he'd paid the sleepy blonde woman with fake nails and extensions and they wandered to their room. Clary had to open the door because Jace's hands were shaking too much for him to turn the key. He cursed out loud.

The motel wasn't some cheap, disgusting place like they were usually made out to be, Clary noticed as she walked into the room. It was small and the walls were an old pattern of green and yellow flowers. The carpet was a light green that had faded with age. Jace wandered towards the lime green double bed that was up next to the window and collapsed onto it. Clary could see beads of sweat forming upon his forehead.

He looked terrible.

She ignored inspecting the kitchen that was just around the corner to sink down next to Jace. He'd rolled onto his back now with his arm across his face.

"Jace?" Clary asked gently, raising a hand and gently pulling his arm away. "How do you feel?"

He laughed at that, gazing up at her with tired aureate eyes. "I feel like a million dollars."

Clary groaned, getting to her feet and strolled over to the door, locking it. "Go to sleep," she called back at him. "You're not well."

"I'm fine."

"You lie. I can always tell when you're lying and you are lying now." Her voice was stern. "Go to sleep."

"But where will you sleep?"

"On the sofa."

Jace shook his head, sitting up with his hair a lion's mane. "I'll take the sofa." He got up and took a step towards the sofa but he was stopped by Clary catching him about the elbows. "Jace," she sighed. "Stop it. You're a mess." Her voice was worried. Jace found it more than cute.

He sat back down upon and bed and kicked off his boots, slipping under the covers. They felt weird and unusually plastic like. Jace just watched in silence as Clary crossed to the other side and took off her own shoes, depositing his leather jacket next to them upon the floor. He watched her the entire time, never taking his eyes off her as she slid under the covers too. Bare toes brushed his leg as she got herself comfy, making sure they weren't touching.

Jace lay there on his side staring at her intently until she asked quietly, "what is it?"

It took him a moment to answer. "It's just…" he paused. "All these years we talked to each other in bed, and now we really are in bed talking to each other."

Clary's cheeks flushed and Jace laughed. "Not that way."

"I know. I'm not going to ask you to strip and do a belly dance."

Jace raised a hand, brushing the stray ginger strands from the girl's forest eyes. Tiredness was winning. "Goodnight Clary," he told her softly, head still hurting, but not as bad anymore. Clary's eyes didn't leave his golden own until she turned off the light by tugging at the sting above her head. The last thing Jace heard that night from her was_"Goodnight Jace."_

**-Review! :D**


	7. Passion

**Since I got more reviews than I asked for… here you go! Another long chapter with some extra bits thrown in! So hmm, I guess 13 or more again and I'll do another super long chapter? YAY FOR HITTING 100 REVIEWS! I love you all. Enjoy the fluff… while it lasts. *evil laughs* and don't' forget to review my cupcakes I stayed up til 5am to finish this off. *falls asleep* x**

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When Clary woke up, she wondered why she felt so warm. So comfortable.

She opened her eyes, blinking at the sunlight streaming through the thin jade curtains. The walls were green too, unlike her orange bedroom walls.

Oh. She was in the motel with Jace.

Something moved next to her and Clary jumped lightly. It took her a moment to realize what it was.

In the middle of the night, Jace had rolled over and subconsciously slipped his arms around her midriff, tugging her closer. She was encased in his embrace. Clary was frozen, unable to move as she felt the light breaths on her neck. His cheek was resting on her shoulder, legs tangled with her own. Clary could feel his toes brushing her foot.

She could also feel the taut muscles of his stomach pressed against her own. It made her shiver lightly. Yes, she and Simon spent the night together often curled up together, but never had he made her feel like this.

Clary didn't want to move. She was transfixed, staring at the young man's sleeping face. He looked peaceful, untroubled. She wondered how often that happened for him.

She gasped softly at his hands. They'd come to life. One of them had slipped into the back of her jeans, fingers playing absentmindedly at the line of her panties.

Clary didn't know what to do. Her thoughts were coherent and while she knew she should have stopped him instantly… she liked it. His touch made her heart race so fast she was sure it would jump out of her chest soon. Clary bit her bottom lip to suppress a quiet moan from escaping her, cheeks flushed.

But then his hand started creeping around to the front and she jolted in shock, squeaking out, "Jace-!"

The effect was instantaneous. The boy groaned and Clary heard him sigh out her name as he buried his face more into her neck, hand still moving forwards. It just wasn't stopping. She felt his hips press against her own. _Oh god, _she just thought. He was more than turned on. Clary could feel that.

And then he opened his eyes. Jace met Clary's wide emerald own, staring as she muttered out weakly, "can you… uh…" he saw her cheeks, and they were more than scarlet by now.

Jace frowned, but then froze. Clary was both relieved and a tiny bit disappointed as he tore his hand from within her panties, literally recoiling away from her and toppling backwards off the bed. The girl scrambled forwards, looking over the edge. "Are you okay?" she asked him as he lay there. Jace was just staring up at the ceiling and Clary noticed he looked faintly green around the edges.

Clary just stared as the young man got slowly to his feet, pulling on his boots and then his jacket.

As the door to the room slammed shut, Clary still hadn't moved. She just sat there too shocked for words.

Had that… just happened?

**-Existence-**

_"You stupid, stupid, _stupid _bastard-!"_

Jace was outside the motel, crouched down next to a car with a hand fisted into his hair. Anger was coursing through him. Anger at himself. At what he'd done.

"Well done," he snapped at himself, a muscle in his cheek twitching. "Well done Jace. Just… stick your hand down her panties and play with her in your sleep. Well fucking done." He tugged at his hair harder. "She's going to hate you now. Coming onto her like that…"

Jace sighed, closing his eyes lightly. He hadn't meant to do it. It was just… she was in the same bed as him. Clary was also in his dreams.

He'd dreamt that she was kissing him again. But this time, she hadn't attempted to strangle him. Clary had willingly kissed him. They'd been rolling around in the motel bed together with their bodies bare. She'd wanted him so bad, and he'd wanted her.

Apparently his dream had leaked into reality. Or at least, in part.

Jace dug his hand into his pocket, fishing out the loose change. He just stared at it before letting his feet lead him forwards.

He walked until he found a small café, buying two bacon sandwiches and two cups of coffee. The girl behind the counter angled herself towards him, smiling almost seductively. "Anything else you want?"

Jace noticed, but found it amusing. The silly mundane.

"Yes actually," he told the girl, leaning forwards. Her eyes lit up and she mimicked him. Jace smiled, nodding to the chocolate counter. "I want a Twix for my girlfriend."

The girl flushed with embarrassment, backing away. She gave him the bar without another word and Jace just smirked to himself as he walked away with the two coffees in his hand and plastic bag with the bacon sandwiches wrapped up in, swinging from his wrist. The Twix was shoved in his jacket pocket.

When Jace got back, Clary had the small TV on, watching the news. There had been a pile up on the freeway.

As soon as he walked in, she switched it off and got up, facing him. Jace could tell she had no idea what to say. Like him.

"Breakfast," Jace told her, setting the bag down upon the small table in the kitchen, placing the coffee's down next to it. "The coffee's black how you like it."

Clary just watched as he took a seat before the table, pulling the paper wrapped sandwich towards him and opening it. He avoided her eyes as he bit into it. She joined him, sitting opposite.

Clary broke the silence as she asked quietly, "Jace, what-"

He cut her off. "I didn't mean to do that," Jace told her, mouth full of bacon. He swallowed before adding, "I'm so sorry."

Clary shook her head, avoiding his eyes. "It's fine. Really."

"I molested you. Angel knows what else." Jace was angry at himself. "I mean it Clary. I didn't mean to do that. I'm not that type of person."

No he hadn't. But he didn't regret it.

But he wanted her. Jace wanted to kiss those lips so badly that it hurt.

"It's really fine," Clary smiled weakly. "Nothing happened. Just… don't do it again?"

"I swear on the Angel I will not grope you in my sleep without meaning to again."

Clary giggled at that and Jace found it so cute. She _was _cute. So beautiful too. God she hurt him and had no idea.

"So when are we kicked out?" she asked him now, taking a sip of coffee. Jace sighed. "In a few hours. I'm going to grab a quick shower then try and figure out what we can do."

Clary nodded. "I need one too."

"You go first," Jace told her, thinking internally, _or we could take one together. That sounds pretty good._

While Clary was in the shower, Jace just sat there thinking. What the hell _could_ they do? Clary was bound to have been missed by now. And they were essentially on the run. Plus there was the issue of lack of funds. The motel had cleared them out of most of it. There was enough for another night though if they needed it.

By the time Clary came out dressed in fresh clothes of dark blue jeans and a checked pale blue and white shirt, her hair damp, he'd gotten nowhere.

But then, he was utterly entranced by her. It had been so many hours now since they'd talked mentally and he was feeling so much better. His head didn't hurt as much anymore. If it was Clary's closeness that was doing the trick or just her in general, Jace was thankful for it.

He said nothing as he slipped into the shower and turned the water on, adjusting the nozzles until the hot and cold water were even enough. It washed over his head, plastering golden hair to his face.

It was supposed to be a relaxing shower, but it was anything but.

Jace rested his forehead against the cool of the tiles, sighing to himself. The more he thought about everything, the more his head hurt.

**-Existence-**

Clary couldn't stop thinking about Jace. It was impossible. For years they'd been such close friends, but now he was real. So very real that it scared her at times.

And he was beautiful. And distinctly broken. No, he _was _broken.

She wanted to fix him, but had no idea how.

Clary shoved her dirty clothes into her rucksack, feeling miserable. But Jace was here. That made her feel better.

And that same Jace had just slipped out of the shower in nothing but a white towel. It was wrapped tight around his hips, hanging low. Clary looked twice, blushing lightly before she realized. She swiftly looked down to hide her rosy cheeks, but not before she'd taken in that muscled chest that was littered with white scars from old runes and the black recent ones. There were indents at his hips and Clary felt her heart racing so much faster as she went over them inside her mind again. She wanted to run her hands over that chest, trail her fingers down until they brushed those little hollows.

Then again, she wanted Jace in general. And from the way he'd been acting, she was beginning to think maybe he wanted her too.

The fact she was falling in love with Jace even more both terrified and excited Clary. He'd been nothing but a presence inside her head all her life, and now he was here. Real. Real and solid.

And more than perfect.

"The shower is so rubbish," Jace scoffed out, causing Clary to look up again. Sopping honey blonde hair was dripping onto his bare chest, the droplets clinging there sparkling in the sunlight. She couldn't stop staring.

And Jace was still talking, rambling almost.

"And then I tried the next one and that refused to work. The plug got stuck I hate plugs nasty little plugs. And did you see the rubber duck on the edge of the room? Who puts rubber ducks in motels? Honestly I just have no idea. Those things are evil I tell you. It was watching me shower like a little pervert and-"

Clary frowned, butting in with, "Jace?"

"-its eyes. It's dead plastic bloody eyes were just ogling me. So I shoved it behind the toilet. It can stay there."

"Jace. You're rambling." Clary was frowning. "Stop it."

Jace laughed and she noticed straight away how maniacal it was. He'd never laughed like that before. There was a look about his eyes that Clary had never seen. There was sweat mingling with the water from the shower.

_Oh fuck, _Clary realized. _He's having one of his moments._

Jace's face was white and she knew he was in pain, but was refusing to show it.

And then he hissed loudly, a hand shooting to his hair as he yelled out in agony, quickly stifling it by biting his bottom lip. In a flash, Clary was up and at his side, taking his face into her hands. "Jace, calm down," she told him, frantic almost. "Jace-"

"Shut up you little bitch!" he snapped, growling almost. Clary ignored his words, knowing it wasn't him talking. His body was trembling, eyes clenched shut. She sighed as the boy buried his face into her neck, not moving once.

Clary found herself stroking his wet hair back, shushing him softly. "It's fine," she told him in a gentle tone. "We're going to find out what the hell is causing all this. I don't care how long it takes." She meant it with all her heart.

When the phase passed, Jace's breathing was heavy, his eyes tired. They were always tired now. Clary found herself staring into them when he raised his head to gaze at her. She'd never seen anyone so enchanting before. But so shattered. Her heart skipped a beat at how intensely he was staring at her.

And then his lips were on Clary's own, kissing her like a drowning man needing air. His hands had skimmed up her sides, cupping her face into them. Jace moaned Clary's name against her mouth, forgetting how to breathe. He just needed her to know how she'd finally made him crack. That he loved her even more for it. He didn't care.

Because Clary was kissing him back. At first it was hesitant. Surprised at his sudden and passionate kiss. But then she responded and it was better than his dream. His nightmare or hallucination. This kiss was so real that Jace didn't want to stop.

And neither did she. Clary responded to the kiss with her body pressed flush to his bare own. Her breaths were coming out in loud, ragged pants as he backed them up towards the bed, twining her slim arms around his neck.

The covers molded to her shape as she was pressed down onto it, lips hungry against his own. It was like they couldn't stop. Clary knew Jace's towel had fallen off on the way over to the bed, because she'd felt it under her feet. Jace was naked. And on top of her. Yet strangely, that didn't put Clary off at all. Neither did the hand that was essentially groping her backside.

And he was turned on like he had been that morning. She could feel it against her hips again, but this time there was nothing holding him back clothing wise. Only her own. And a large part of Clary wanted to tear her restricting clothes off, roll around on the bed with him.

But instead she muttered out against his lips, "Jace we need to stop." The boy kissed her a moment longer before resting his cheek upon her chest, listening to the steady sound of her heart racing against his ear. It was such a satisfying sound. Soothing too.

They lay there together for a few minuets, as if lost in their own world, controlling their breathing at last.

_I love you, _Jace just thought, wishing she could hear_. I love you so much. _

And Clary heard him. Whether it was from the emotions that were coursing through the pair of them. Love. Lust. Happiness and confusion, she had no idea. But when she replied with, _really? _Jace heard it too. He made no sound out loud, but inside Clary's head, she heard him say tiredly, _so much. So much that it hurts. I've always loved you Clary. You weren't just the girl inside my head. You were just… so much more. You have a beautiful soul and I love you for that. You are everything to me._

Clary stroked his hair back gently once more, resting her head back against the pillow. _God I love you too Jace. I thought it was wrong, being in love with you. You were just a voice inside my head. But now… you're here. And I realize that there was nothing wrong at all with falling for you. Because I'm so thankful that I did. This connection is both a blessing and curse. _

The young man smiled at that, and Clary felt his lips move against her chest as he muttered out, "I should get dressed." He heaved himself off Clary, leaving her to stare intently at the ceiling. Yes she loved him, but that didn't mean she wanted to see him naked. Yet. Even though he had just been on top of her without a single scrap of clothing on him.

Oh god it had felt so good. Clary's heart was racing again. She'd felt how much Jace had wanted her herself.

Jace strolled back into the room fully dressed, a look about him as if he'd been punched in the face and was dazed. Clary had never seen it on him before. He sank down onto the bed next to her, gazing at her for a moment with his aureate eyes glazed over before he sighed out, "go pay for another night? I can't… I can't think. I'm sorry." Jace was avoiding Clary's eyes, and then she understood why-

He thought himself weak. Weak and useless. All because of these phases that regularly assaulted him. He was a Shadowhunter and not used to being like this.

But he wasn't weak. No. Far from it. Clary realized there and then that he was one of the strongest people she had ever even heard of.

He loved her. And even though it was probably her fault he was in pain everyday now, he still loved her.

Clary glanced down, lacing her fingers with Jace's own. They were calloused and rough, so different to her soft own. She tugged him gently down onto the bed with her, keeping their hands entwined. "Jace," Clary told him quietly, gazing into his eyes that seemed beyond exhausted. "What do we do?"

"For now," Jace replied quietly, "nothing. I'm content to lie here with you forever holding your hand. Something so simply seemed impossible to me this time last year or even last month. I hope you realize I'm never letting you go now I have you."

Clary's lips twitched into a smile. She felt happy. Happier than she had been in a long, long time. Yes, he was right- for now, the problems they had were the last thing on their minds. Jace dozed lightly against her shoulder, hand still in her own.

Whatever the future held, they'd face it together.

**-Review! :D**


	8. Chaos

**Hi guys! Well, here's your next chapter! Shorter than what I was going to do, but I don't feel very well at all and it's so hot. It really doesn't help urgh. So let's call this a filler chapter for now, but an important one. Next chapter… I think you'll all like it. You want answers on Clace's connection? Well you might just get them ;) anyway, thank you for the immense reviews! Leave me some more pretty please? They're so motivational. Eeep have some ice cream. Thanks again! x**

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The pair didn't use the rest of their money to get another night in the motel, but a taxi to LibertyState Park. From there, they walked across the Ellis IslandBridge, hand in hand.

It was an overcast day with the sun attempting to shine weakly through the clouds. The weather forecast had given out rain, but there was no sign just yet.

Clary's fingers were warm and so small that Jace wondered as they reached the halfway point how he hadn't broken them yet with how tight his grip on them was. But then he remembered how tough she was. The girl was far from weak.

"Oh I got you this," Jace told Clary as he reached into his pocket and found the Twix he'd bought earlier. She laughed and took it, letting his hand go while she tore it open. Clary held out one of them for Jace to take and he did with a smile, shoving it into his mouth. The girl just stared as he finished it in five seconds flat.

"What?" Jace shrugged. "I was hungry."

"You ate a whole… never mind." Clary was trying not to laugh. Especially when she was nibbling on her own and he was eyeing it up. Jace stopped looking when she finished it, causing her to snigger lightly.

They didn't have enough money to get on the ferry, so they just leaned against the railings, staring at the Statue of Liberty up ahead. The breeze coming off the Hudson River was ruffling Jace's hair and Clary gazed at it for a moment before asking, "Why did you want to come here?"

Jace was silent for a moment, then replied, "because I've never been. And because I wanted to share my first time with you." He'd picked the place off the top of his head. "Random. I know."

"Is this a… date?" Clary wondered aloud. Jace laughed at that, shaking his head. "Clary, if this was a date I'd take you somewhere better. Not where the only food are from hot dog carts."

"Either way," she shrugged, "I love it."

Suddenly music filled the air and Clary glanced down to her pocket. She tugged the phone out and just stared at the screen for a moment. Jace didn't have to guess hard to know who it was.

Her mother.

Clary merely turned it off and shoved it back into her pocket, breathing out, "I don't want to talk to her. Or anyone." She cleared her throat, nodding to the hot dog cart up near the gate. "I'll go get us hot dogs. They make everything better." Clary turned away, leaving the blonde haired young man stood leaning against the cool metal railing.

Jace was staring into the steely depths of the Hudson River, fingers gripping the railing so hard it hurt.

It was calling him. Whispering to him. And the pressure inside his head…. It was building. And it hurt. It hurt so badly.

Jace took a deep breath, raising a hand to his temple and rubbing at it while blinking hard to dispel the spots of white obscuring his vision.

He watched Clary now, eyes following her every move. She was beautiful and perfect. How did he even deserve her? He was a broken mess and she knew it.

The pain inside his head was back again and Jace swallowed hard, muttering to himself, "stop it. Go away."

But it didn't. The pain just kept building and he simply couldn't take it anymore. It was like his brain was a blade of grass, and the pressure was a hurricane crashing against him, tearing him apart.

The sky above him warped, splitting down the middle and ripping apart. Clouds swirled there. Red, orange, black and angry. They rushed down towards him before he could even blink, monsters with teeth made of black smoke coming for him.

Clary heard the loud _splash _and turned, eyes widening as she couldn't see Jace. She shoved the hot dogs back onto the cart and dashed forwards, yelling "Jace-!" she leaned over the edge of the railing and saw a flash of blonde from under the water. His hair.

Instantly she yanked her jacket off and climbed over the railings, jumping into the river without hesitation. Clary gasped as the freezing water enveloped her, but didn't give it time to stall her as she dived under the surface. Her hands were frantic, feeling for him. And then, she grabbed a handful of jacket and tugged at it, her fingers slipping.

Clary gasped as she came to the surface, dragging Jace along with her.

She tugged him to the bank and heaved him up. The guy who had been on the hot dog cart had ran over too, helping her to pull the boy out. Clary ignored her sopping ginger hair that was plastered to her face as she checked his breathing. There was nothing there.

Clary thought frantically back to CPR lessons from school. She hurriedly started the chest compressions, gasping out, "don't you dare die on me Jace. Don't… you… _dare._" Her compressions were growing faster, but still careful. After counting each one carefully, she crushed her mouth to his own, desperate to get air into his lungs.

And then he coughed violently, shoving her away and rolling onto his side, expelling water everywhere as he coughed even more.

"Jace," Clary gasped, watching him cough up the rest of the water. "Jace can-"

He didn't answer, lying there with his breathing shallow. Clary saw those golden hues of his roll upwards into his head and a moment later they closed completely.

"Jace," Clary whispered, smoothing his hair that seemed like dead yellow seaweed at the moment back. He was breathing though. He was alive.

Clary scoffed as she turned around- the hot dog guy had run off. She quickly ran back and grabbed her coat, pulling out her phone and turning it back on. But who would she call?

She knelt down next to Jace, feeling him for his own phone. When she found it, it was useless with water damage. There was nothing for it.

Clary's face was white as she called her friend. When Simon answered, his first words were, "Fray. Where. The. Hell. Are. You."

"Later Simon. I just need you to come down to Ellis Island and pick me up." Her voice was so bleak and pleading that Simon asked in concern, forgetting his anger it seemed to Clary, "Clary what happened?"

"Please Simon I can't tell you, just go and get Eric's van and come here."

"Clary you're scaring me."

"Please," she begged, next to tears. "Simon I have no one else to ask."

"Okay. Where are you?"

"On the East side next to the railings. Hurry. Please. I can't let him die… I know this is all my fault."

Simon sounded alarmed. "Die? Clary wh-?" but she'd already ended the call. Clary tucked her coat around Jace, trying to keep him warmed. If he had been normal, not a Shadowhunter, she would have called an ambulance. But she couldn't. Clary pulled his head gently into her lap, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead with her eyes closing-

He didn't deserve any of this.

**-Existence-**

When Simon arrived, Clary had carefully moved them to the shelter of the back of a shop where the roof offered protection from the rain that had started up not long after her call to Simon. She was holding Jace tight to her chest to keep him as dry as possible. She was so tired.

"Clary-!" he yelled as he slipped out of the van, spying them huddled together. He stopped before them both, rain pouring onto him and his glasses, fogging them up. He hurriedly dried them on his t-shirt. Clary had gotten to her feet and was tugging the blond haired boy up. Simon helped her, asking with a frown, "who is he? What the _hell Clary?_"

"Later," she promised, dragging Jace over to the van and helping Simon push him carefully into the back.

"Where to?" Simon asked gruffly, and Clary could tell he was angry. Well, she _had _ditched him at prom. "Just head back towards Brooklyn and I'll guide you. If I remember the way."

"Who the hell is he?"

"Simon-"

"No Clary!" he turned on the engine, growling out, "you just… left me there! I was worried out of my mind! And then you ring up and ask for this?! Who is he! I thought… I kissed you. And what, have you hooked up with him?! He looks like the kid of guy that will fuck you and leave y-"

_"Shut up!" _Clary screeched at him, anger coursing through her. "You don't know him!"

"What and you do!? In the space of what, a few days?!" Simon was furious.

Clary laughed bitterly at that, shaking her head. "I've known Jace for years."

The van went deadly quiet. Clary took the moment to look behind her at the young man still out of it. There were dark shadows under his eyes that she'd never noticed before. He looked so ill and drawn.

"You mean," Simon started slowly, "that the guy in the back… he's Jace? _The _Jace? Your…"

"Yes."

"Clary he's not real," Simon sighed, shaking his head sadly. "That boy inside your head is _not real. That is not Jace. Not your Jace._"

Clary was glaring at him now. For years he had been one of the few to stand by her when she mentioned that other presence inside her head. And now it was all out there- he'd thought her crazy all along. Great.

"That," Clary told him firmly, jerking her head towards the back, "is Jace Wayland. The boy from inside my head. And the fact we're both connected is killing him. I'm killing him."

"What happened today-?"

"I don't know. One moment I went to get us hot dogs and then he was in the river. He's going mad Simon and I have no idea what to do." There were tears sparkling in her eyes. She felt so useless. "I don't… know what to do."

Simon rubbed at his fogged up glasses again, shaking his head incessantly. "Clary it can't be him. It just… it _can't _be."

"It is," Clary simply told him.

"And you love him." It wasn't a question. Clary heard the hurt in his voice. On any normal day she would have been so sorry, or something. But today she was just tired and worried for Jace. "Yes," she replied. "I love him."

Simon nodded stiffly, his voice matching. "Okay."

Clary guided Simon through the streets she remembered, but they were the only words spoken. When they arrived before the Institute, Simon scoffed out, "what a dump. Is this really the place?"

"Yes," Clary snapped, knowing the boy couldn't see past the glamour, tugging Jace out of the van as carefully as possible. She was expecting Simon to want to come in, or something. She'd have to warn him off. But he did nothing of the sort as he nodded curtly, telling her, "I hope it all works out with you both. You know where I am."

Clary flinched. His tone sliced right through her like a knife. A moment later and he'd drove off. Clary sighed and set Jace down at the bottom of the stairs, hammering her fists on the front door. Yes, everyone inside probably hated her, but it wasn't herself she was thinking about. It was Jace.

Alec was the one to open the door, and Clary instantly started to talk, staring at the boy. "I know we don't see eye to eye or are friends. But you care about Jace and so do I."

Alec stared at the girl for a moment before asking "what happened?"

"He had another phase. Either jumped or fell into the Hudson River."

Alec took in her wet clothes, cocking a brow. "And you dragged him out?"

"Yes. Now get him inside and get him warm." She shivered and Alec noticed. He rolled his eyes and nodded for her to come in too.

She was ignored by Alec and that was just fine. He was too busy carrying Jace through the Institute and to his room, placing him down upon the bed. Clary noted just how neat his room was. Organized and straight.

He was a tidy person, but what was going on inside his head… it was the opposite. Chaos. Pandemonium.

Alec noticed just how much Clary was sticking near to Jace, her forest green eyes worried and face white. Her clothes were still wet. He told her that there were some old sweats of Isabelle's in the kitchen but she didn't leave.

It didn't take him long to guess what must have happened while they were together. They'd kissed. The look in her eyes were that of a girl in love.

She loved Jace.

But did he love her back? Or was it unrequited?

Clary did leave the room when Alec changed Jace into dry clothes, but she was soon back. She'd changed into the spare clothes. The boy was talking to himself quietly, words unintelligible. His face was flushed and forehead sporting beads of sweat.

Neither had ever seen him like it before. Alec shook his head, saying quietly, "I'm going to Hodge. We need the Silent Brothers. Or something." And then he was gone.

Clary sunk down next to Jace, sighing lightly. No, he really didn't look well at all.

She sighed and slipped one of her hands into his own, squeezing it gently. "Jace," she muttered out. "What's wrong with you?"

Clary hoped that the next day would bring answers.

**-Review :D**


	9. Truth

**Tada! As promised, a super duper long chapter with hello… answers! There is a method behind the madness (heehee see what I did there I'm sorry Jace) anyway, yes a new chapter. Thank you for all the lovely reviews last chapter! Leave me some more darlings? I'll post the next chapter when we get 10 or more. Thanks guys! Get reviewing if you want that next chapter! x**

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When Clary woke up the next morning, it was from the sound of screaming echoing off the stone walls. She sat bolt upright, eyes widening in shock.

She'd never, ever heard Jace scream in fear before. But he was now. Something had terrified him. Was that even possible? Did Jace scream in…?

Clary didn't pause to finish as she hared down the corridor, literally smashing open the door with her shoulder. It hurt like hell but she ignored it as she saw Jace upon the bed. He'd stopped screaming but it was obvious he was having a nightmare of unimaginable pain.

"Jace-" she muttered, rushing towards the bed. The boy wasn't thrashing about like he had been before, but he was shaking. His entire body was a single tremor. Clary sat down next to him and immediately saw that he was drenched in sweat, his honey blonde hair plastered to his head and face.

"Shh," she told him, frowning lightly as a hand stroked his arm. A moment later Clary had pulled him up and into her chest, feeling the shaking slow down to something like a shiver. He'd woken up but Clary just held him close, muttering out, "it was all a nightmare. It's fine. I'm here."

He laughed weakly at that, voice barely more than a whisper. "Clary, I'm not a child."

"I know but… you were scared. That… doesn't happen to you. Not like that. I've never seen you or anyone this way before."

"I'm fine Clary."

Clary frowned, hugging him closer. "You are not fine. You can't even sit up by yourself right now. Did you jump off that ledge or did you fall?"

Jace laughed, but it was barely audible once more. Clary took his face in her hands, forcing the aureate eyes that were dark pools of gold in the dark upon her own. He looked so tired and exhausted that it made her heart contract. And she'd been so scared after the fall into the Hudson River.

"Don't scare me like that," Clary muttered, hugging him into her chest once more with tears burning in her eyes. "Don't do it again or I'll kill you myself."

Jace laughed again, but stronger. He sat up, swaying lightly for a moment. The boy just sat there gazing at Clary for a moment before whispering out, "you are so beautiful."

"Someone needs to go back to sleep." Clary swallowed hard, pushing at his chest, but he refused to budge. He just shook his head a little, catching her wrist before she pushed again. "Clary you really are beautiful. You just don't see it." He smiled, and it scared Clary how desperate and pitiful the boy looked. Never had he been like that, she was sure. And then, without warning, Jace collapsed forwards onto her, taking Clary by surprise. She caught him just before he pushed her off the bed, sighing heavily. Clary carefully laid him back down, tugging the covers over him.

There was a sound from outside the door and her head snapped up. She caught sight of a pair of sapphire eyes, and then they were gone. Alec had seen the entire thing.

Clary didn't care. She loved Jace. It was about time the Lightwood realized that.

She retied her hair that had shaken loose back and went around to the other side of the bed, slipping in next to Jace. The boy snuggled into her chest, sighing in contentment without even knowing he was doing it. Clary felt a smile tug at her lips before she rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes and waiting for sleep to claim her.

She hoped her presence would keep the other nightmares away.

**-Existence-**

To Clary's surprise, it wasn't the Silent Brothers that visited the next morning, but a man with cat like eyes and the most eccentric clothing she'd ever seen. He was wearing tight dark purple jeans and a red t-shirt. It was topped off with a black leather jacket. It'd look hideous on most people, but for him it strangely suited him.

"So it's you two hmm?" he tutted. "Do you know how long it took me to find this spell?"

Jace frowned, sat upon the kitchen table. His legs were still weak and head throbbing. "What spell, Warlock?"

"It's Magnus Bane, and the spell is hard. Incredibly hard to cast."

"Don't bother then," the boy scoffed. Magnus chuckled, shaking his head. "So stubborn. With what I'm being paid, I expected something to be amiss."

"Hey-! He's not well! You can't just say things like that."

Clary looked up to see Alec stood there, scowling at the warlock. And the warlock was just gazing back, looking pleasantly surprised. "I was merely saying," Magnus told him, "that something would be wrong. Not usual. And I was right."

Clary scowled too now as Magnus rapped on the top of her head. "It's all in their noggins. And if the Silent Brothers couldn't discover what it was… well I'm curious. Extremely curious."

"We're not here to be ogled at," Jace snapped. "What are you going to do to us?"

"Well." Magnus rubbed his palms together. Clary stared at the glittering rings upon his finger as they caught the sunlight. "I'm going to put up a barrier."

Jace just stared. "Excuse me? I don't speak warlock."

Magnus laughed, a few sparks jumping from his fingertips. "Young Jace, I'll say it again- I'm going to put up a barrier. Specifically, one in your mind. To keep the sane in and the madness out. It will mute your mental communications with Clary here."

Jace just stared. "But I don't want to break that. We've had it all our lives."

The warlock laughed darkly. "Then you will carry on going mad until you take your own life or take Clary's. I don't say this lightly. You will go insane, Jace. And violent. You will not distinguish between friend or foe. You will simply want to kill all you see in the hope of stopping the torment."

Clary was quiet. Then- "You've seen this before. Haven't you?" She knew all about warlocks from Jace telling her as they grew up. Something she was thankful for now

Magnus looked grave. "I have. Once before. It was the year 1812. A pair of Shadowhunters attempted to strengthen their parabatai bond by connecting their minds. The weaker of the two went mad, and quite literally. Slew his fighting partner and then attempted to kill the mundanes on the street. There was no saving him. He was put down instantly."

Jace was looking indignant. "Weaker of the pair? No offence Clary, but… I am the strongest of us both."

"Maybe," Magnus mused. "Maybe not. Who knows? There are lots of strengths and weaknesses. Different meanings."

The golden haired boy was still scowling, but Clary could see how tired he still was. She sat close incase he decided to collapse again.

"To business," Magnus went crisply. "I can't put up the barrier unless you are willing, Jace. Otherwise it won't work and it might kill you. You must be willing and not put up any resistance. The mind is a fragile place at the best of times."

Jace looked like he wanted to tell the warlock to stick it where the sun didn't shine, put Clary placed a hand upon his arm, muttering out with her eyes worried, "Jace. Please."

The boy sighed at that, ignoring the warlock and Alec. Even Isabelle and Hodge as he raised his hands and took Clary's face into them. She just stared into his aureate eyes, not moving once when he leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to her forehead, muttering out against it, "it means breaking our bond."

"Jace…"

"I don't want to break it," he sighed, stroking her arm gently. "Because I love the connection with you. It's always there on the edge. I can always feel it. I can always feel you."

Clary sighed, slipping her hands into his own. "I'd rather the link be gone than you. You're my best friend Jace…" she trailed off before muttering out so only he'd hear it, "I love you. And I don't want you to be this way."

Jace wasn't so subtle when he leaned forwards and crashed his lips to her own for a moment, breathing out against them as they parted, "fine I'll do it. But you can't leave my sight now."

"Like I was going to anyway."

Magnus cleared his throat. "If you've both finished with the tonsil tennis, we'll move on?"

Jace got to his feet, staring at the warlock. "Fine," he told him. "Do it."

Silence and Magnus nodded. "A word of caution- you won't feel yourself for a day or two after this. I suggest bed rest while your mind settles. Nothing strenuous."

There was a sound of knocking from the front of the Institute and Alec swore. "Damn. There's Shadowhunter's from the London Institute visiting. I almost forgot."

Jace waved a hand at no one in particular. "All of you can leave. Actually, do leave. I only want Clary here." He said nothing else, but they soon took the hint and filed out.

Clary stayed sat upon the bed as Jace moved over to the chair the warlock had made appear, sitting down upon it. Magnus settled behind him, placing his hands either side of the boy's temples.

"Now Jace," he told him. "This won't hurt a bit."

They could both tell he was lying. And as the warlock began, Jace's eyes snapped open, face going white with pain. He had an extremely high pain threshold, but this was nothing like he'd felt before.  
"Stay still-!" Magnus commanded as the boy tried to jerk away. Clary could only watch with her stomach churning as Jace started yelling in obvious agony. But still the warlock held on.

Just as Clary was about to leap up and hold him down, it was over. But still she jumped forwards to grab Jace before he fell off the chair.

"Bed rest and he'll be right as rain," Magnus told the pair cheerfully. Clary just nodded, supporting Jace as she helped him to his room. As he lay there with his eyes closed, Clary asked softly, "how do you feel?"

"Like a red hot knife was speared through my brain." He didn't sound like he was joking. Clary felt miserable and close to tears. But she wouldn't cry. She refused to.

Jace saw her expression through slightly opened eyes and frowned. "Hey," he muttered. "What happened to tough little Clary huh?"

"She's on holiday."

The boy chuckled and merely raised a hand, catching her arm and tugging her down where he proceeded to cuddle her into his chest.

It felt eerie inside Clary's head. Like something was missing. Or blocked off. They hadn't used the link in days, but that didn't mean they couldn't feel it.

"This feels horrible," she whispered into his chest, clutching at his shirt.

Jace just rubbed Clary's back gently, muttering out into her hair, "I didn't jump, by the way. On Ellis Island."

Clary nodded, snuggling more into him. He was in desperate need of a shower and change of clothes, but she didn't care. "I know Jace."

"Thanks for saving me."

"You really think I'd let you drown?"

Jace laughed now, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I didn't mean Ellis Island, I meant in general. Before we properly met, I think I was beyond saving."

Clary just shook her head, snaking his arms around his waist. "Just sleep for now Jace. You need it."

"I love you Clary. You really, truly have no idea how much I love you." He sounded more than exhausted. "So, so much Clary. I don't care who your father is, it doesn't define you. Who you are. And you… are so beautiful."

Clary smiled weakly at that. "I think that when you're better, we'll work on all that."

"You mean go on dates? Or something?"

"Yeah," Clary nodded. "Be normal together. If that's possible for us."

"Don't you love me already?" Jace inquired, trailing a hand up her arm. Clary nodded once more. "I do. But… we fell in love simply from knowing each other. Our minds-" her eyes flickered to the ceiling. "And now we have the chance to fall in love all over again. And it's real. Physical. Does that… did that make sense?"

Jace smiled, eyes closing. "I understand Clary. And yes I want to do that too."

"It's a date," Clary laughed.

**-Existence-**

She didn't leave his side the entire day, content to doze next to him. But when there was a knock on the door, she knew the peace was about to be broken.

"Your phone has been ringing constantly," Alec grumbled, holding out the thing for her to take. Clary took it and saw that there were fifty nine texts and just as many calls from her mother. She was back at the house and found her bag and clothes gone. Shit.

"You're not messaging back?" Alec asked curiously as she pocketed it. Clary shrugged. "My mother lied to me my entire life."

"But-"

"But nothing. I know you see me as Valentine's daughter, and I don't blame you. I know who he is. Who he was. All the stories, everything… Jace told me them. My father may have been a monster, but I assure you I am not him. You think I would hurt Jace?" her voice was hard by the end. Alec was silent until he admitted quietly, "you do love Jace. That is something I know is true. But…" he looked confused. "Why was all that happening to him? Magnus Bane told us he had no idea. That his mind didn't hold any information."

Clary shook her head. "I don't know. But I want to find out. I mean… why send Jace insane-?"

_"I… is this a mundane?"_

She jumped at that, turning around to face a new figure. One she'd never seen in the Institute. He was tall with such dark eyes they looked as black as his hair that was tumbling into his eyes. Clary frowned lightly- wait, why did he seem so familiar to her? There was something about the curve of his eyes that made him look almost predatory.

And then she realized, blood running cold.

_Him. Oh god. From that night at prom._

She needed to get Jace out. And warn the others. But for now, she scoffed. "Do you really think they'd let a mundane into the New York Institute? I'm simply unmarked."

The boy frowned, but Clary didn't detect that he knew she'd recognized him. He'd obviously dyed his hair in the hope that she wouldn't realize. That the shadows of the bleachers had cloaked him enough to pull this stunt off.

They hadn't. And he was back for her again, Clary was sure.

"I need to go back to Jace," Clary merely told the pair before moving away. She needed to get him awake and out. But… what if he wasn't in any shape to do that?

The boy was fast asleep when she returned, and it took her a good few shakes to wake him up. As soon as he opened his bleary eyes, Clary told him in a hurried whisper, "the guy from prom. The one that came after me. He's here Jace."

That was all she needed to say to wake him up. He sat up, reaching for the blade next to the bed. Clary wanted to tell him to lie back down, but there was simply no way she could ask that now. Jace's feet were unsteady, but his grip on the hilt was sure.

"Give me your phone," Jace muttered, holding out his hand. Clary held it out and he took it, instantly typing up two messages and sending them.

"What was-?"

"I just told Alec and Izzy to come here. We need to think of something." He sank back down onto the bed, breathing heavily. "But I can't… I can't think."

"Lie back down," Clary ordered. Jace didn't even bother arguing with her.

A moment later the Lightwood siblings walked through the door, both looking confused. Clary had no idea what Jace had said in the message, but it had made them come instantly.

"What the hell do you mean 'we need to get out?'" Alec demanded. "And what happened to fighting?"

Jace slid the arm from over his face, letting it rest beside him. "That guy is the one who chased Clary down the night you all took her."

"What?" Isabelle just stared. "Are you sure?" she was looking at Clary now. The girl nodded.

"Who is he? Why is he apparently here?" Clary asked in a commanding voice, shocking herself. It was like Jace was talking through her.

Isabelle started to talk. "His name is Sebastian Verlac. He's here escorting a pair of Shadowhunter's from the London Institute."

"Are they with him?" Clary demanded. Isabelle shook her head. "I've known Mallory and Alex for years. Their visit was planned way before you and Jace met." A pause. "Which means this is not the real Sebastian. Neither Alex nor Mallory have ever mentioned him. They were in France last night I think. I…" Isabelle frowned. "I- I don't know anymore."

"Their story sounds rehearsed," Jace hissed softly. "Where's Sebastian? I want a nice, pleasant chat with him about things, then run him through with a seraph blade."

Clary's eyes were narrowed. "No," she told him defiantly. "I'm taking you to my mother. You're in no shape to fight him. It's the only place we'll be safe from him. He won't know where we are."

"You mean we're running away?!" Jace sounded beyond furious. "No. I won't."

"You fucking will," Clary snapped. Alec had to agree with her as he said, "we'll get him. Just not now. Not before we have all the facts."

"Fuck the facts," Jace snarled. Clary glared at him before asking Alec, "is there another way out of this place."

"Yes. If we leave now we can-"

"What about the girls?!" Isabelle demanded. "We can't leave them!"

Alec shook his head. "They might be working with him. It's too much of a risk."

Isabelle's eyes were hurt, then hard again as she nodded. "Right. Let's get out of here and give Clary's mother one hell of a surprise."

**-Existence-**

Jocelyn felt faintly sick as her daughter strolled into the house without a word. She'd simply knocked and walked in as soon as the door was opened. One of her arms were around a blond haired boy that looked like he might faint any given moment.

"Clary-" she started, voice hoarse, but she was ignored. As the other two Shadowhunters walked in too, she simply sat down, giving up.

Clary deposited Jace in her room, tucking him under her covers. He fell asleep almost instantly. Afterwards, she returned to the living room, standing before her mother as she asked, "mom, for once… tell me the truth. On everything. That boy called me his little sister and I think he was telling the truth." She looked to Alec and Isabelle at that, daring them to speak but neither did.

Jocelyn nodded. "I knew this day would come eventually. You meeting Jace. It was inevitable."

"What?" Clary frowned, confused. The elder woman sighed in defeat. "I knew he was real. Not because of the things you were saying about the Shadow World, the world I left behind… but I know how you're both joined."

Now Alec did speak. "What did you just say-?"

Jocelyn sighed heavily. "It was your father Clary. Valentine. He was the one that linked you both."

The room was in silence until Clary broke it. "I don't understand?"

"I was there, living with him when he did it," Jocelyn muttered. "It was before I realized just how much of a monster he'd turned into and fled with Clary. I didn't understand that he meant you were both literally linked together. You see… you and Jace were supposed to be the next level of Shadowhunters. Closer than _parabatai._ Can you imagine? A pair of hunters who could communicate with mere thoughts alone? No need to speak aloud?" she swallowed hard. "You both were his first attempt. And he succeeded…" a pause. "If Jonathan hadn't burst into the ceremony."

Clary arched a brow. "Who is Jonathan?"

Jocelyn looked grim. "Your brother Clary. Your elder brother. If that was him, he was telling the truth. The ceremony that linked you and Jace was done when you were barely even one. Jace was a little older. And so was Jonathan. He ran into the heart of the ceremony just as it was closing. He was only a toddler… it shouldn't have happened."

There was silence as Clary wondered something. "Does that mean… he's linked too? _My brother is linked too?_"

Jocelyn nodded. "Where you and Jace were properly linked, Jonathan was not. As a child he'd complain about the voices inside his head, and that he couldn't make them reply. They made him mad. And alone. So excluded."

Clary just felt horror now. He _was_ her brother, and all their life, he'd heard every single conversation she and Jace had had. Both private and sensitive.

And information that he could use as a weapon. What if he could hear both their thoughts all the time? That would mean… he knew where they were all along.

He knew where they were now. There was literally no running or hiding, because he'd know.

"I tried with Jonathan," Jocelyn muttered, staring at the floor. "I tried so hard. But there was nothing that could be done. No warlock barrier inside his head could stop the voices. Nothing at all. He's… mad. On the brink of insane. I've not seen him since that day, the day I left… but I can imagine all those years of torment. Killing him would have been kinder."

"What does he want with me-?" Clary couldn't understand. "I don't get it."

"The link is tied three ways. A triangle," Jocelyn explained. "If one of the links break, they all break."

"How do you break the link?" Clary knew the answer before she'd even finished. Of course… it was so obvious.

"One of you has to die," she told her daughter. "And from what I saw of Jace, I think Jonathan has managed to form a link of some kind. A link based on hatred and fury. He's pressing it down on Jace's consciousness." Another pause. "Jonathan's madness is leaking into him. Before long it will consume him."

Clary realized now. It wasn't her that Jonathan had been after, it had been Jace.

Alec spoke up now. "What if we kill him? Would that stop what's happening to Jace?"

Clary saw the pain in her mother's eyes at talk of killing her son, but all the same, she nodded. "Yes. I would imagine so. Jonathan… knows that when Jace is mad enough, he'll kill himself. Break the link. Free him."

Clary felt miserable now. The only reason Jonathan was doing all this was to stop the torment he'd had to endure his whole life. She tried to imagine life with a pair of voices inside your head, talking but you couldn't talk to them at all. It would be enough to send anyone insane.

But he wasn't killing Jace. No chance in hell.

_I don't know if you can hear me, _Clary thought. _But if you can, you can't have Jace. I'd rather you be insane forever than let him die, my brother. What happened to you, to us… it was our father's fault. And we are not paying the price._

Clary knew there and then that Magnus's barrier inside Jace's head would be useless. It would be shattered and broken down before the week was through.

Jace was slowly but surely going truly insane.

**-Review! :D**


	10. Lust

**Well hello there my sexy sausages! Thanks so much again for all the lovely reviews, so here is the next chapter! Well, I did rate this story M for a reason, just saying. If it's not for this chapter, it's sure for another. Anyway, pure Clace for you all. Enjoy and drop me some more reviews? I'll update again when we have enough! Thanks! x**

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Clary knew there was no use sitting around waiting for her brother to attack. What good would it do? She'd go mad from the waiting.

The next day, she woke up first at the crack of dawn. Isabelle and Alec were camped on the floor while she had the sofa. Jace was still in her bed and she didn't have the heart to push him out, or guts to sleep with him because of her mother in the house. Where Luke was she had no idea.

But the boy was awake, stood in the kitchen making coffee. Clary smiled when she saw how bright his eyes looked. He seemed so much better.

"Morning there," Jace smiled, pulling out another cup. He rummaged around in a few draws until he found a spoon.

Clary smiled too, not caring her hair was a mess. His was too. _It's… sexy, _she just thought. Jace pulled off the morning look very well.

They took their seats in the kitchen, Jace shutting the door quietly with his foot as he handed Clary her coffee that she took with a thanks.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him with a frown. Jace chuckled, shaking his head. "I feel… alive is a good word. My head still throbs a little, but I can tune it out. I've not felt this good for ages."

Clary couldn't help but beam at that, getting to her feet with her coffee untouched on the table. A moment later she'd thrown her arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. Jace smiled into her hair, rubbing her back gently. "Just…" she sighed out. "I'm glad you're better. For now at least."

"You don't have to feel guilty anymore either."

Clary pulled away, but their noses were still almost touching. "What?"

Jace cocked a brow, leaning forwards and muttering out against her lips as his eyes flickered down to them. "I heard everything concerning your charming brother. See? It wasn't your fault all that happened to me. Not at all."

She didn't respond to that, simply crushing her lips to his coffee tasting own. Clary sighed against his lips, allowing him to slide his arms around her waist and pick her up, setting her down upon his lap where he could kiss her at a better angle.

"I love you, imaginary friend," Clary murmured against the boy's lips, swinging her legs around so she was straddling his hips, stomach pressed against his own. Jace chuckled at that, breaking the kiss long enough to breathe out, "as I love you, _my _imaginary friend."

The door clicked shut and Clary's lips froze upon Jace's own. "It's only the wind," he told her. "I opened the window."

Clary sighed softly, resting her forehead against his own. "Thank god. Mom wouldn't be impressed if she saw us."

Jace shrugged. "She can't say we've not known each other long enough to kiss. Plus she knew I was real…" he paused, raising a hand to brush the stray ginger strands from Clary's eyes. "I mean, who else were we supposed to fall in love with? Our fates were sealed from when we were mere children, Clary."

She had no idea how to reply to that, so Clary pressed her lips back to Jace's own. It was a soft kiss, but so full of passion that both their heads spun and Jace's hand took hold of her waist, fingers burying themselves into the silky smooth fabric.

"Come back to the bedroom with me?" he asked quietly against her lips. Clary froze. Jace, realizing just how he'd sounded quickly added, "I meant help me find more pillows? Not for… sex." He cocked a brow. "Unless you wa-?"

Clary tutted and clamped a hand over his mouth, whispering out, "my mother is in this house. And so are Isabelle and Alec."

Jace merely gazed at her with aureate eyes glinting playfully in the light. She slid a hand away and he instantly told Clary, "_would _you?"

Clary blushed, her cheeks going scarlet. "Jace it's what, four in the morning?"

"Perfect!"

"Shh-! And-" her cheeks went redder. "I would. But you seem to have forgotten one thing."

Jace just stared until Clary sighed out, "my brother." After that, he just frowned. "What about him?"

"Think about it. If we had… you know what, it wouldn't just be between us both."

"Oh."

"Understand now?"

Jace's eyes flashed with annoyance. "Yes I understand. But…" he paused. "I don't think he can hear at the moment."

"That may be, but I'm pretty sure you know what tends to enhance your emotions… what if it bought down the barrier?" Clary sighed, nuzzling her nose into his cheek. "Would you truly prefer to rush things now, or wait for a time when we can relax?" her cheeks were growing more and more scarlet with every word. _Oh god, _Clary thought to herself. _I'm talking about sex with Jace. Not… just that, but with him._

Clary had to admit though- she wasn't as embarrassed as she'd thought she'd be.

Jace stole a kiss from her lips. "I'd rather wait-"

"Good."

"-because then I can properly ravish you. Without any interruptions. I'd have you pinned down upon the bed, not a scrap of clothing on you. I'd kiss you until you were moaning my name against my lips." He paused. "Can you imagine that? My bare body…" his voice trailed off before he finally added, "and yours. I want to feel that, both of them pressed together. Moving together… Hot and heavy the entire night."

Clary's cheeks resembled the deepest shade of crimson possible. "Jace," she spluttered. "Can you…" she didn't know what to say. Jace's eyes were sparkling mischievously as he touched his lips to her jaw line, murmuring against it, "I won't lie Clary… I want you more than I probably should." He growled softly against her skin, adding, "I would have you here and now if I could. I've thought about it so many times. Too many times and I don't care. God I tried to get over you when we were merely friends inside our minds by sleeping with other girls, trying to fall in love with one of them, but nothing fucking worked. I'm yours, Clary. Every single broken part of me, every ounce of love that I have. It's always been yours. Everything."

"Jace…" Clary whispered in shock, but the boy ignored her words as his lips, so good against her skin, traveled to underneath her chin. She sighed in contentment, but then muttered out "Jace stop."

She didn't want him to stop. And he knew it.

Jace took hold of Clary's hips, standing up and placing her upon the edge of the table, crashing his lips back to her own. The table was pressing against her back as Jace pushed her gently down, but his lips were far from gentle. They were hot, hard and passionate. Clary had never been kissed like that before in her life. When Simon had kissed her, it had been more desperate than anything. But this kiss… where Simon's had felt wrong, this one felt so, so right. Clary couldn't help but gasp softly against his lips as she responded to them, letting her legs drape around his hips, crossing her ankles behind him as she pressed their bodies together.

Clary was attempting to hold onto her earlier words about waiting, but with her body pressed against Jace's own, and she could feel how hard he was underneath the jeans, she failed miserably. She could lie to herself and say she didn't want him, but the truth was she did.

Her fingers were shaky as they ran themselves over the front of his jeans, breath catching in her throat. Clary cursed her unsteady hands as she moved it to the top button, tugging it open. Jace's own hand was starting to pull down her pajama bottoms, but Clary whispered out, "Jace stop. I don't…" she didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do? Sex in the real world wasn't something she knew much about. The emotions that were coursing through her were alien and strange. But she loved them. Especially since it was Jace who had caused them.

But before he could reply or relinquish his grip upon her, the kitchen door opened and the pair heard a "oh by the Angel-!"

Isabelle, whose eyes had been sleepy before she saw the sight of Jace straddling Clary upon the table, were wide. She stared for a moment before just backing out, telling the pair, "do continue." The door shut and Clary sighed, resting her head back against the wood of the table. "Great," she muttered, out of breath, raising her hands and resting them upon Jace's back. "Just great."

"Could have been worse," Jace shrugged, leaning down and brushing his lips to her own. "Could have been Alec. Or your mother."

Clary turned her head to the table, realizing with her cheeks reddening once more they'd knocked Jace's cup of coffee off the surface in their hurry to be all over each other. That was probably what woke Isabelle up. The sound of smashing China and coffee spreading across the floor. They hadn't noticed.

"I think she saw your boner," Clary told him innocently. She was expecting Jace to get off her without a word, not to press it against her, causing her to gasp in surprise.

"I think you _felt_ it," he told her teasingly, causing Clary to groan and jab at his side with a finger, telling him "off. Now. We're not having sex on the kitchen table, or even tonight."

He was grinning playfully as he did so, taking the seat he'd vacated. Clary cocked her head lightly and slid off the table and onto his lap, knowing full well what it would do to him.

Jace growled softly at her, narrowing his eyes. "Now who's playing dirty?"

"You love it," Clary smiled innocently, settling herself atop him. She was sure that his boner wouldn't go down anytime soon, feeling smug. Jace stood up, keeping a tight hold on Clary's hips as he hitched her up onto his own. "Time you went back to bed," he told her. Clary was grinning playfully at him, tutting out as he opened the door with his foot, "this must be hurting you."

"It's agony." Jace leaned forwards, whispering into her ear as they walked past Isabelle who was fast asleep again and Alec who was still out for the count, "you've no idea how much I want to lock your bedroom door shut and tear those pajamas off you." His breath tickled her ear as he added, voice even softer, "I'd keep you there until you were screaming my name. A writhing mess underneath me. Or I could bend you over the kitchen table, which works too. But I'd like to see your face and be able to kiss those lips of yours."

Clary felt her heart start to race, the words, "and then what?" escaping her before she could stop them. Her cheeks were red again. They'd reached her room and Jace pushed it open with a foot, stepping inside as he answered, no longer whispering. "Mmmn. There's a lot of things I'd like to do to you. Well-" he dumped her down upon the bed, hitching a leg up so he was sat upon her legs. Clary could see the playful but devilish smirk about his lips as she leaned back. "Well," he said again, his hands skimming up her body, pushing her shirt up a fraction so a section of smooth stomach was bare. Jace's lips touched it gently, the boy satisfied when her stomach seemed to contract at the feel of him there.

Clary groaned gently, hearing him mutter against her stomach, moving down a fraction, "use your imagination. Especially with my lips down… here." His words were innocent enough, but the meaning behind them was anything but and Clary knew that. The temptation to let him prove his words true right there and then was beyond tempting, but she knew they couldn't. Not this morning. Isabelle had seen them and had enough sense to ignore the situation and go back to sleep, but her mother wouldn't.

As his lips traveled down even further, Clary's hands shot down, taking his face into them and making him look at her. "Not. Tonight," she told him firmly. "And getting me all flustered when we can't is cruel."

"I'm a cruel person," Jace winked, grin downright mischievous. It was the kind of grin that would have made any girl sell their soul for. Simply for a night with him. Or be near him.

Clary couldn't deny that. Tonight, that morning, whichever it was, he really was being cruel. Her body was crying out for him, to be touched in a way she'd never been before. And she couldn't have it. All she felt was frustration, wanting to tear his clothes off him herself. Clary wanted to wind her hands into that golden hair…

Jace suddenly sighed, pulling his face from Clary's hands and laying his cheek atop her bare section of stomach. He started speaking, but Clary wasn't sure whether it was to no one in particular. Himself. Or her. His words were almost a growl. "I just want one fucking night without anything happening. One fucking night where I'm sane and we can be _normal. _Is that too much to ask for? Are we really _that_ cursed?"

Clary frowned at that, staring down at the boy. His golden hair was hiding his expression, but she could tell he was pissed off. And maybe a little upset but he'd never show it. Never ever show it. She sighed, raising a hand and brushing his hair back- their moment wanting each other's bodies was gone in a snap. Clary knew she should have expected something to happen.

"It's fine Jace."

"No," he snapped, sitting up and shoving her hand away. _It's not okay. It's never, ever been okay. We will never be normal. Just… we are fucked, Clary. I'm fucking mad. Insane. I even just ruined tonight with this… mood. This freaking bastard inside my head. I don't want this insaneness to become associated with how I love you. That it's _this _making me want you, because I swear it's all _me _that wants you. God I want your body so much it hurts sometimes. What I want… I just want…_ There was a crazed look about his eyes, and a moment later, Clary realized something.

"Jace," she muttered in a worried voice, taking his face between her hands once more. "Did you just-? I heard that inside my-?"

_My head hurts Clary. It hurts so much… I don't want… I didn't come onto you because of what- I mean I just- for gods sake. I -_

He couldn't finish or make sense and Clary knew she was right. The barrier hadn't even lasted a day. He realized too a moment later and just gave up, burying his face into her neck. Jace's next words weren't mental. "I'm sorry. I am just so, so sorry. I didn't mean to say all that about wanting you. I mean, I _do_ want to have sex with you but I made it sound like I wouldn't give you a choice and that wasn't what I…" he growled at himself, unable to find the right words to explain himself.

The girl sighed in defeat, glancing to the bedroom door that was very nearly closed. She lay down, Jace still with his face in her neck.

Clary lay there with Jace's head resting on her chest now, listening to the steady thump of her heart. She was stroking his hair back gently, the dawn creeping through the curtains, causing it to shine like spun gold where it hit it.

She'd never imagined her Jace to be so beautiful. So heartbreakingly beautiful, and yet so broken at the same time. Her brother had pressed and pressed down on him so much that he was beyond depressed. Beyond just simply sad.

But he had her. And Clary didn't plan on leaving him.

She pulled the covers up over them both just as Jace muttered out, "it's back up for now."

Clary snuggled closer to him. "Feeling better?"

"I think… it's tied to my emotions. I wanted to kiss you and it got so out of control with lust. By the Angel so out of control. When I got mad it fell." Jace was frowning now. "Jonathan _wants _to break me. Me in particular. He didn't target you, he targeted _me._" He froze and Clary frowned. "Jace?"

"So why don't we believe that he's done it?" Jace told her slowly. Clary shook her head. "I don't understand."

Jace sat up, eyes glinting in the sunrise like pools of molten gold. "The barrier _will _fall down tomorrow night for sure. Around then. What if we use that to our advantage? Jonathan has no idea what's happened while it's been up. As in… he just knows a moment ago. When I was angry. When I…" he paused. "I hated you a moment ago and couldn't help it. I hated life. I wanted to… die. I would have ignored your words and just… taken you here. What if he thinks I've truly gone insane like he wanted me to? We can lure him in. I can hold onto myself long enough to do this."

Clary understood now. "A trap," she said slowly. "That's… we can't pull that off. That's impossible."

"Oh yes we can," Jace told her confidently. "He'll come and find me, gloat at my madness. Probably even try to kill me himself. Which is perfect." His smile was sharp, like a seraph blade. "I'll ram a dagger into his heart. He wants to stop his suffering, I'll do it for him. In a way that benefits us."

"This is madness. You won't even be able to stay yourself long enough for that!"

"Do you trust me?" Jace asked, eyes serious. "And I mean completely. Not… you can't have doubts. None at all."

Clary nodded. "I trust you."

"Because you won't like what I have to say. I cannot tell you any of the plan. If you think of it… he will know. You already know too much. When this goes down, I want you asleep or unconscious. Just some way that he won't know. He can't connect with you."

Clary just stared. "Are you saying," she went slowly, "that you expect me _to let you walk into the literal lions den?"_

"I can't tell the others. If they know, they'll act different, even if pretending. No, they have to believe I'm mad."

_"You are mad!" _Clary snarled, slapping his chest. "This is insane! I won't let you do it."

Jace chuckled, catching her lips to her own. They were angry, trying to pull away, but still he held on for a few seconds longer. He just needed to kiss her, to apologize for the things he'd said. As he pulled away, he told Clary softly, "if this goes to plan, just think Clary; this torment will be over." Jace grabbed her shoulders, staring into her emerald eyes. "If Jonathan dies, the link breaks. Don't you know what that means?"

Clary nodded, gazing back. There was a determination about him that she'd never seen before. She _did _trust him.

"Hey," Jace mused, waggling his eyebrows. "We can still have crazy sex even when I'm better. Pretty sure I can replicate that."

Clary gave up, shaking her head and lying back down, tugging him down with her. If her mother wanted to give them grief about sleeping together, she didn't care.

All she wanted was to sleep with him. Just for one night. Cuddled up together. And him as Jace. As normal Jace. Free from the torment of her brother.

"I refuse to let you do this," she muttered into his chest.

There was silence until he replied quietly with, "you can't stop me."

Clary knew she wouldn't be able to. Which was what scared her the most.

**-Review? :D**


	11. Broken

When Clary woke up, she was warm. Warmer than she had been in so long. There were long, lean arms around her midriff. She smiled into her pillow, deliberately ignoring thoughts about the previous night. The words spoken especially.

She tangled her legs with his own, sighing in contentment. From what she could feel under her cheek, his chest was bare. Jace had taken his shirt off in the night. Clary raised a hand, trailing it up along his bare side. He shivered at her touch, and she spied a pair of sleepy golden eyes staring at her.

For so many years they had woken the other up, plus woken up together… but she realized now they truly hadn't slept together like this before. It was different and real.

"Morning," Jace muttered as Clary snuggled closer into his chest, closing her eyes once again with her hand resting on his bare, lightly muscled back.

"Good morning," she sighed, pressing her body against his own. After years of thinking him not real, all she wanted was to feel him. Remind herself that it wasn't a dream. Jace was real. So real.

Lips sought out her own, and she let them kiss her softly for a minuet. Clary pulled away first, letting her eyes open as she laughed quietly, "I could get used to these mornings… and haven't even gone on a date yet."

"Soon," Jace smiled, raising a hand to her cheek, twirling a lock of stray ginger hair around a finger. She gazed at him before asking, "did you get up in the night?"

Jace nodded, nuzzling her cheek. "Yes. I went back to the Institute."

Clary hadn't been expecting that. She sat up, eyes flying wide. "You did what?!"

"Clary-" Jace sat up, but before he could say anything else, she'd slapped him straight across the face.

"You went back?! To where he was?!"

"He was gone," Jace sighed, rubbing his cheek. "Relax."

Clary bristled at that. "Relax? You have got to be fucking joking. What if you vanished huh?"

"Clary-" he caught her wrists before she slapped him again. "I was with Isabelle and Alec. We were scoping the place out. It's fine. He was gone."

She shook her head, eyes still worried. "But still Jace. I mean… how's your head?"

Jace sighed, leaning forwards and touching his lips to her forehead. "It's fine at the moment. But I could feel you. So I say the link is breaking. But he can't hear us. Not yet."

The pair were silent until Clary got up off the bed, telling him in a mutter, "I'm going for a shower. I just need a break." She shut the door on her way out and Jace growled to himself.

Jace pulled on his t-shirt and went downstairs, feeling grumpy. His mood was even more foul when Jocelyn spied him coming down the stairs, snapping at him, "were you in bed with _Clary?"_

"Yes," he replied, knowing he couldn't even lie. "All night long." He didn't care. Jace half wanted Jocelyn to yell at him so he had an excuse to go mad even more, but he knew it was stupid.

"If you both did _anything,_" the woman warned him softly, eyes narrowing. "I will cut your-"

Jace smiled sweetly, interrupting with, "nice to know." He turned away to Alec who had walked into the kitchen, but Jocelyn had snarled out, "that's my daughter. You may know her better than I do simply from the connection, but I know that she is young. Reckless. And you are not helping."

"For fucks sake," Jace turned back to her, head pounding. The words escaped him before he could stop himself, or even rephrase them. "I've not fucked your daughter. I love her. She loves me. It's not your business anyway."

The woman literally swelled in anger, but Alec quickly spoke up with, "ignore him. It's an effect of the barrier Magnus Bane put up. He isn't himself." But from the way he was glaring at Jace afterwards, the golden haired boy knew he was lying. Jocelyn looked at him suspiciously before asking, "is there a chance you could hurt Clary? Even without meaning to?"

Jace growled softly at that, his eyes narrowing. Jocelyn didn't have to ask him anything else but, "I need to go back up to the farmhouse. Clary stays here."

"The coast is clear at the Institute, so me and Izzy are going back to stock up and scope the place out again," Alec told them all.

Jocelyn arched a brow at Jace. "That means you have to stay here and protect Clary. Institutes are safe, but not this one apparently. While this barrier is up, Jonathan will have no idea where to find you both."

The boy nodded. "Fine."

A sigh and Alec tugged at Isabelle's arm, muttering that they should get out. A few minuets later, Jocelyn followed them out. But not before shooting Jace a glare.

But she knew she could trust him. Jace would always keep Clary safe. He adored her.

Jace wandered back upstairs when everyone was gone, knocking on the bathroom door. "Clary?" he asked, but the girl pointedly ignored him. He retrieved his stele from his coat pocket and drew a rune to open the door, slipping inside.

For a moment he just gazed at the form of Clary behind the lightly frosted glass as she washed her hair, bare body annoyingly distorted by the glass so he couldn't make it out. Jace stripped out of his jeans and shirt, letting his boxers fall onto the pile as well.

Clary started violently as the shower door slid open and cool hands touched her hips. She spun around, eyes so wide they reminded Jace of Bambi. If Bambi had bright emerald eyes.

"Jace-!" she hissed, cheeks bright red. "What are you doing?"

He contemplated replying, but then realized there was no word for what he was doing. Or wanted to do. Instead he leaned down and pressed a long, sweet kiss to her lips. As he pulled away, their lips still brushing, Jace muttered against Clary's lips, "I love you. Just remember that."

Clary wanted to stay angry at him, but with him talking so tenderly, her rage melted away. The realization that they were naked was now what she noticed, heart starting to pound against her chest. "I love you too," Clary replied, letting her hands rest over his own that were still at her hips. She frowned at the way Jace was staring at her. It was… his eyes looked sad. Hopeless. "Jace what's wrong?" Clary asked, voice gentle.

Jace shook his head, saying against her lips as he stole a quick kiss, "honestly, it's nothing. Just life. I'm always like this these days."

Clary never got to reply as he kissed her again, and she could feel the passion growing with every passing second. A soft gasp escaped her as his bare body pressed itself against her own, her back against the cool tiles. As the warm water washed over them both, her hand fumbled around behind her, looking for the tap and turning it off.

"Jace-" Clary groaned against his lips as the kisses deepened. Her hands were on his back, but then his chest. Then her arms were twined around his neck as she tried to find a place to put them. It scared her for a start how hungry Jace was kissing her, their tongues battling for dominance but he won it easily. Clary worried that he was having another moment where he let his lust rule him.

As if he'd guessed, Jace broke their lips apart to whisper out against them, "this is me. This is all me I swear." He groaned softly. "You are so, so beautiful." Clary closed her eyes as his lips now traveled to underneath her chin, biting at her throat with blunt teeth. Jace couldn't deny it; he wanted her. Here and now.

And Clary wasn't against it at all.

She sighed in contentment as the boy's lips traveled to just under her ear, laughing out under her breath, "Jace… I'm not having sex in a shower."

"Good. I wasn't planning on taking you here. I was going to drag you back to your bedroom."

Clary's eyes widened at that, but they soon closed as Jace kissed at the spot under her ear, a moan slipping past her lips. And then he started growling. It was deep, rumbling in his chest like thunder. His mouth was on hers, but something felt wrong. The kisses weren't passionate, they were more hungry than anything else.

She didn't like it.

"Jace-" she muttered, pushing at his chest, but he was holding her hips fast. Another hard shove and she finally got him away. Jace stood there facing Clary with his hair sopping wet and eyes almost burning. They flickered down, the smallest of smirks appearing upon his lips. Clary acted on instinct, grabbing his face between her hands, saying hurriedly, "Jace, stop it."

"Stop what?" he purred, hands sliding up her damp sides. "God you're so beautiful." Jace leaned forwards to kiss her once more, but Clary backed up a fraction. The smirk on the boys face was growing. "Are you playing hard to get so I want to fuck you more? Because it's working."

Clary scowled, and before she could stop herself, she'd slapped him straight across the face. It was so hard that he stumbled back, yelling out, "Jesus _Christ-! That fucking hurt-!_"

Jace rubbed his cheek, swearing to himself as Clary slipped out of the shower. As she dried off, slipping on her bath robe, she noticed that the boy hadn't come out. She tied it off and stepped forwards, seeing a forehead resting against the inside of the cubicle.

Clary poked her head inside, sighing out with her voice soft, "Jace?"

He ignored her, staring with blank eyes at the frosted glass. His hands were pressed to it as well. As Clary went to leave, Jace muttered out, "don't let me touch you again. Just… don't."

"Jace-"

Aureate eyes fixed upon her emerald own now, and they were angry. But Clary could also see hopelessness and sadness in them too. "You can't Clary," he told her, voice hard. "You are my weakness…" Jace trailed off before adding with the lightest of frowns. "But my strength too. What… what do I do?" Clary had never heard him talk like that before.

Clary just stepped forwards and pulled the young man into her arms, burying her face into his neck. Arms slipped around her waist as they hugged each other close, their hearts pounding against the others chest. It was almost like they were in sync. Jace stroked Clary's hair back before whispering softly, "I'm going to end this. Go back to Ellis Island and make him meet me there."

She frowned, opening her mouth to speak, but Jace suddenly leapt into action. He rammed her head back against the cool stone tiles, knocking her out instantly.

His heart dropped instantly, Jocelyn's earlier words echoing through his mind.

_"Is there a chance you could hurt Clary? Even without meaning to?"_

He had. Just because he'd let instinct and his plans overthrow his senses.

Jace felt like a monster.

He carefully picked the girl up into his arms, feeling utterly miserable. Jace placed her upon her bed, pausing a moment to check her vitals. When he was satisfied there was no permanent damage or danger, Jace got dressed and dried his hair swiftly. Before departing, he pressed a kiss to Clary's cheek, whispering out against it, "I'm sorry."

And then he was gone.

**-Existence-**

He was there. Jace didn't know how he knew, but he was leaning against the metal barrier that separated the island from the water.

Jace stopped dead, nodding a little. He knew. He always knew.

"My poor, poor sister," Jonathan Morgenstern tutted out, back still facing the blond haired boy. She's going to have one nasty headache when she wakes up. You're possibly one of the worst boyfriends ever, did you know that?"

Jace scoffed at that, reaching into his back pocket where a dagger had been hidden. "And you win worst brother award. Were you watching us in the shower? Well I bet you were. How else would you get off?" and then he sprang forwards. Fast and deadly with the intention of sinking the blade deep into his back, but Jonathan was equally as fast.

He didn't even bat an eyelid as Jace's knees went from under him. He hit the ground before he'd even managed to take a step, cheek pressed to the gravel underneath. Jace's head was on fire. Such intense, searing heat. He thought he could hear screaming somewhere in the distance, but then realized it was himself.

And then it was gone. And he could hear laughter.

"You really think a stupid warlock barrier would be able to block out such powerful demon magic? Fool! You stupid, _idiot-!_" Jace winced as the tip of a boot collided with his stomach, a shooting, agonizing pain springing up. The dagger had slipped from his grasp.

Jace just watched as the white haired boy suddenly grabbed onto the railing, knuckles so pale. He took a deep breath and he wondered something. How mad was he?

And he was talking to himself.

"He's got to die. He's got to. How else will this _pain _stop?"

"Jonathan," Jace groaned out, trying to roll onto his stomach so he could get to his feet, but he couldn't from how sick he felt from how hard he'd been kicked. There was definitely going to be the mother of all bruises there later. "Why didn't you get help?"

He looked taken aback for a start, then he just laughed. "Help? There is nothing in the world that can help me. Apart from one thing: your demise."

"Jonathan-"

"Any last words?" he picked up the fallen dagger, twirling it between his fingers as he grabbed hold of Jace's shoulder, flipping him onto his back. He knelt down next to him, setting the dagger over his throat. "Before I ram this into your throat and-" he never got to finish as Jace rammed his head forwards, catching the boys nose. He went flying backwards and into the railing. Jace dived for the dagger at the same time Jonathan did, his vision more red and white than anything. The scuffle resulted in the blade being kicked into the river. At that same time, Jace's fist collided with the side of the other boy's face.

Jonathan caught Jace's wrist, holding him fast as he snarled out, "I'm going to ruin you. Shatter you. I'm going to-!"

But Jace wasn't listening. Behind Jonathan, speeding towards them was a van he recognized. It looked disgusting, but he'd never been so happy to see it.

Clary was in the passenger side, her emerald eyes so dark and dangerous even at this distance. Furious at him, he knew. But damn she looked beautiful. Like an avenging angel. There was dried blood on her forehead. Damn, he'd caused that. And he obviously hadn't hit her hard enough.

Her determination. It was beautiful.

Before the van had even stopped, she was out. And he saw her scrabble for something. Something glinting in the weak sunlight. Metal. A chain.

"Keep it going and jump!" she yelled to the mundane. Simon. He replied, sounding shocked, "Are you crazy?! That's connected to-!" but as the barrier came too close for comfort, he jumped out of the van, landing in a heap upon the tarmac.

But Jace was only watching Clary. And as Jonathan turned, the golden haired boy took the opportunity to pounce. But Clary had reached them, pushing him aside. With his head still spinning from earlier, he stumbled backwards.

What happened next, Jace wasn't even sure he was seeing things right. Clary had grabbed her brother from behind, the chain around them both as she held on for dear life.

And then he realized as the van hit the barrier, crashing through it with a screech of twisting and tearing metal. One moment Clary was stood there with her brother, hugging him from behind it looked like. Then they were gone. There was a strangled yell and another splash.

Fear burned through Jace like ice as he too started forwards, but then everything seemed to vanish.

Time stopped.

Had his head split open? He was sure it had. Was he drowning, the pressure crushing down on him? Yes it was.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't even remember his own name.

There was swearing from the waters edge, and Jace found himself gazing over. Why was his back pressed against the floor? His eyes were watching the boy with the brown hair… what was he doing? The girl with the gingery hair wasn't moving upon the floor, her entire body soaked to the skin. The boy was pressing on her chest? Oh. CPR. She'd gone into the water when the van had, dragging her and her brother down into the depths. Her brother was still down there. He knew he'd gone down there once. The pressure was so agonizing. But that girl had saved him? Maybe he loved her. No… he did? He wasn't sure.

Jace wanted to go over, make sure she was alive. But couldn't make himself do it. He felt numb. Dead.

Her brother had promised to ruin him. Not physically, mentally. He was dead now for sure. Drowned with his body forever lying at the bottom of the Hudson River. Why that river? It was always that one.

Jace closed his eyes, listening to the violent coughing as the girl choked up water from the river, no inclination to go over at all.

Maybe he really was broken beyond repair this time. Because he felt nothing for the girl. No, that wasn't it. He felt nothing at all.

A part of him had died along with Jonathan.

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**I thought I'd add this at the bottom this time. Yes I left the ending vague for a reason. Confusing chapter eh? Just a tad, and missing parts also. You'll see them soon ;) well here we go. The final stretch of Existence. Jace and Clary's final hurdle. Does Jonathan being dead mean their link is gone? Who knows, you'll have to review and read the next chapter ;) you thought Jace was mad before… you've seen nothing yet. Oh! We might be having parts in Clary and Jace's POV. Yes or no? You choose. Thanks for the lovely reviews darlings! Drop me some more! x**


	12. Fear

**You asked for Jace POV… you have Jace POV. Well, we're not too far from the end now guys! Wow, this has been such a fun story to write. There's maybe 3 chapters left. Oh, there's an epilogue too. I don't plan on doing a sequel. So, anyway, thank you for all the reviews! Some of you are just so sweet and nice I want to cuddle you all up and squish you to me while baking cookies for you all. More reviews would be loved! Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy! x**

* * *

**One month later**

He'd said next to nothing. And quite literally. When asked if he was hungry or anything, he merely shook his head or nodded. And that was if he was with us. Most days, he didn't even move or acknowledge anyone.

Well, except for the nightmares. He woke up screaming as if he was burning almost every night. It broke Clary's heart. No, what truly broke Clary's heart was the first time he'd had a nightmare. He'd been thrashing about, the girl attempting to pin him down. And then he'd snarled out at her with such venom in his voice it had shocked her. "This is all your fault!"

Clary couldn't stay in the Institute after that. It simply hurt too much. Because Jace was mad… and didn't even really know who she was. The Silent Brothers had been summoned the instant they'd returned back to the Institute a month ago, going through his head.

They told the Shadowhunters of the New York Institute that the boys mind was damaged. A mental attack of such force had changed him. Clary knew that just before he'd died, her brother had made sure they'd have no happy ending.

The link was gone. Clary felt nothing of the boy's mind, no matter how hard she tried.

She was tired. Exhausted.

After the first two weeks, Jace not saying a word or anything, Clary stopped going to the Institute. She didn't want to see the boy curled up in bed with his eyes closed like he usually was. What did he even think about? What was behind those aureate eyes? Clary knew his thoughts, how they worked very well. But now?

She didn't know him at all. But that didn't stop her loving him. No, not one bit.

But how could you heal a boy that was broken beyond repair?

**-Existence-**

The bedroom's cold. It's always cold in there now. Sometimes when I woke up, I'd be shivering violently. Other times, lying there soaked in my own sweat from the heat I thought I was feeling.

Most days I wasn't even aware of Alec or someone trying to talk to me. He came every night though, I did know that. He'd take a seat and talk to me about everything and anything. A week ago he told me he felt strange. That our _parabatai _bond was becoming weird at times. No, occasionally he couldn't feel me at all.

"Damn it Jace," Alec said last night. "Why you? You don't deserve this. Just come back to us."

I thought about replying, but couldn't form the words. So I said nothing. Again.

It was hollow inside my head. Or at least, it felt like it. The pounding never stopped though, echoing through the mental void like drums. Bang bang fucking bang, driving me more and more insane. Then there was _his _laughter. Sometimes I thought I could feel him. But it was only my imagination.

Clary had stopped coming. A part of me mourned that. Mourned her absence as if a part of my heart was missing. But then a darker side of me exploded. Snapped at her that it was her fault. The pain in those emerald eyes… she was better off far from me. Far from the mess that was me.

Tick tock. Time is moving so fast. A month now. A month of not moving from my room.

It was a mess. During those rare periods I came to, I saw my bed was screwed up. Huh, those nightmares probably. They made me thrash. Scream. My hands would wind themselves into the sheets so tight my knuckles would lose all colour. It had to stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Someone has to make it stop.

The Silent Brothers are here again, attempting to coax me back into reality. But… reality hurts. Why would I want to return? I fight them. I fight them so hard that they're forced to leave or they'd end up killing me by accident.

But I hear them talking to the others.

_It's been almost two months now. There hasn't been any sign of progress. I'm sorry, but if at the end of this week there is still nothing, he'll be moved._

Move me? Where to? Probably a mental place. Where I belonged. God, it was so hard to believe I'd been one of the most lethal of Shadowhunters at my prime. Before my fall. My hard, long fall.

The person closest to me smells like rain. Petrichor. Isabelle. I don't open my eyes to confirm this. I can't be bothered. I'm just listening. Waiting. Always waiting it felt like. And now I was waiting for this Silent Brother to make my fate official. I was going to be locked up in the loony bin with other disturbed Shadowhunters.

"He cries," Isabelle muttered now. Her voice was low and bleak. That wasn't her at all. No, Isabelle was fire. Fire like all Lightwoods were. She was my sister after all. "I don't think he realizes it. He begs us to keep her away from him so he doesn't hurt her."

Really? I did that?

I knew who _her _was. Who else would it be? The insane bitch who made me this way.

No. What am I saying? Clary was innocent. She was so small, so innocent and beautiful and I loved her. Whatever love was. I think… I have felt it. It's that emotion that makes you go all fluttery inside. Like a butterfly. Clary had made me feel those butterflies so many times it was unreal.

And I'd chased her off.

Clary.

Clary…

"Did he just say-?" Isabelle's talking again. "Jace can hear us. Jace-!" she has my hands in her own. They're trembling a little. This really, really isn't her at all. "Jace can you hear me?"

Of course I can hear her. But how do I move my arms? They're weighed down. Like my eyelids. It's like there's stones on each one, forcing them to stay closed.

Someone's saying Clary's name. Again and again. As soft as a whisper, barely audible. Clary. Clary. It's always Clary.

I missed my imaginary friend. It hurt.

My left eye's twitching. It's wet, like raindrops have fallen upon my face. It rolls down my face and then I taste salt at the back of my mind, barely noticeable. Salt. I'm crying. I am crying.

Emotions are coursing through me right now. Loss. Pain. Loneliness. I want Clary. But then I don't. I can't.

But this was the girl that loved me. She loved me so much. She never stopped telling me that, holding me when I had the nightmares that made me want to kill her so terribly. God I'm such a terrible person. A curse upon the earth.

All I see is darkness. A future behind a locked door and probably a fucking padded room. Alec and Izzy would fight to the ends of the earth to stop that happening. But… it would happen.

I want…

What do I want?

I don't know.

I don't really know who I am anymore.

I need my candle. My beacon of hope. My light in the darkness.

I want her.

I want her now.

I miss Clary so much.

I hope they realize that.

**-Existence-**

Two months now and Clary was attempting to settle back into a normal life. Or at least, as normal as possible.

She missed Jace. How could she not?

"Clary?"

She blinked, coming back to life as Simon poked her shoulder. It shocked her how understanding he'd been. Simon had been there to hold her when she cried over Jace. Over what had happened to him.

He couldn't be mad with her. Not after seeing just how upset she'd been. Clary had clutched at the front of his shirt, sobbing into his chest. Simon could only hold her, smoothing her hair back.

Clary loved Jace. Loved him with all her heart. Nothing would stop that. She adored her imaginary friend, except… he wasn't imaginary.

How could he compete against that? There was no point. Jace made Clary happy… he couldn't complain at that.

And then talk about the Shadow World was gone before Simon could even find out the finer details. He knew the bare ones, like what Shadowhunter's were, but not much more. He also knew that Clary was one.

It was like she wanted to forget everything. Attempt to forget Jace.

No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't though.

Clary blinked again, looking at the screen. Oh, they'd been playing Sonic Racers. She'd driven off the road long ago and the game was paused. Simon was staring with a cocked brow. "Back now?"

She nodded, picking up the fallen controller. "Unpause the game then."

He didn't, sighing out instead, "Clary, don't give me some crap on how you are 'okay.' Because you are not okay. Not at all."

Clary groaned, attempting to snag his controller and failing. "I am okay."

"No you're not. Far from it. You miss Jace."

"Jace is gone," Clary muttered. "I don't… he's gone. The link is gone, everything's gone." She felt herself go cold as she muttered, "sometimes I just wish you left me in the river with my brother."

Simon groaned loudly at that, closing his eyes. "Shut. Up. Fray."

Clary shrugged, feeling utterly miserable and lonely. "Fine."

It was like all the fight, all the fire was gone from her. And Simon hated it.

But the Shadow World hadn't forgotten Clary. Not one bit.

While Clary and her mother ate dinner in silence, Luke at the dishes, the knock on the door came. It was persistent and loud. Jocelyn's eyes narrowed lightly. Unlike Clary, she was sure her son would return. The Morgenstern men were dangerous.

Luke sighed as the woman's nails dug into the table a fraction, muttering, "Jocelyn. It's over."

"It'll never be over," she replied. Clary didn't look up from her dinner. Her mother was right. Luke went to answer the door, but as it opened, there was silence. Then a voice she recognized.

"Is Clary here?"

It was Alec.

Clary looked up at the exact time the young man shoved his way past Luke, strolling into the kitchen. "You really need to come back with me," he told Clary. She noted that for once, the words weren't hostile. They were more… hopeless. A feeling of loss about him. She could guess Jace wasn't any better.

"He keeps asking for you," Alec told Clary as she looked up at him. Those deep sapphire eyes weren't gentle, but they weren't hostile either.

Very slowly, Clary shook her head. "I can't."

Alec narrowed his eyes. "Let me get this straight; you race to save Jace's life with your mundie friend, wrap a chain around your own brothers neck and drag him down into the Hudson… drowned him to save Jace for nothing? You little-!" he was going to continue but Jocelyn had stood up, her own eyes slits. "I don't appreciate you barging into my home Lightwood."

"I don't care!" Alec's voice was raised, his eyes fixed on Clary. "Jace is… you can save him. Again. You can always save him."

Clary laughed bitterly now. "Says the one who was trying to pin the blame on me and trying to force us apart."

"I was wrong." Alec swallowed hard. "Jace needs you. Now more than ever."

"You don't understand," Clary whispered. "I can't see him like that. Him snarling at me…"

"I never took you for a coward, Clarissa _Morgenstern._"

"Enough," Jocelyn snapped, rising to her feet. "Get out." The knife she'd been using to cut up her dinner was in her hand, and Alec wasn't stupid.

He sighed, shaking his head a fraction. "Just once Clary. Just… please. They're going to take Jace away if nothing happens. Can you imagine? They'll lock him up. He'll go even more insane. Don't you dare let that happen to him."

Clary felt cold. "What?" she whispered. "They can't do that… can they?"

"Yes." Alec's voice was hard. "And they will."

Now she felt sick. And scared for what she was about to say.

"Just once," she muttered. "Once more." Clary felt so terrible and guilty. This was Jace, and she didn't want to see him? What a coward she really was. But then, she was human. She was scared. So scared.

Scared of what Jace might have turned into now.

Clary sighed wearily, getting to her feet.

Sometimes you just had to face your fears for the good of the future.

For the good of Jace's future.

**-Review! :D**


	13. Peace

**Well, I've posted the epilogue too, so I'll keep this short and do the long Author's Note on the next chapter. Enjoy! The epilogue shall be up in a few minuets, so be patient my lovelies. Next chapter is the very last chapter of this story.**

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Clary was scared. The Institute was right before her, but she couldn't make her feet move. No, not one bit.

"I'm not getting any younger stood here," Alec grumbled as he held the door open for her. She gazed up at the majestic building that was hidden to mundane eyes before letting her eyes flicker to the Shadowhunter, nodding. "Okay." Clary wasn't that sure she even knew what she'd said as she walked inside, her body twitchy and jumpy.

She followed Alec in silence to the bedroom, stopping dead outside as she asked quietly, "he won't hurt me, will he?"

Alec shook his head. "I don't think so. But if he does try, I'll grab him."

Clary nodded, her face pale. She was wringing her hands, heart pounding. Even her brother hadn't scared her this much.

Alec pushed the door open and she nodded a fraction, saying more to herself than to the boy, "I'm fine. Really."

The room was dimly lit, and as soon as Clary saw the figure lying on the bed, she turned to leave. But Alec caught her arm, saying quietly, "scared or not, you are not leaving. Not yet. I won't let you." It wasn't a threat. Not really.

Clary just stared. Jace was curled up on his side, face buried into his pillow. He looked asleep, not ravaged by some inner torment.

It broke her heart.

"Actually…" she found herself saying to Alec, eyes on the paper white covers tucked around Jace, "can you leave us?"

He looked like he wanted to argue, but didn't. Instead, he nodded and left saying "I'll be outside."

The door clicked shut and Clary found herself staring at the golden haired boy, feeling numb more than anything. Slowly but surely, she stepped forwards until she'd sunk down onto the bed next to him, muttering out, "hey Jace." Clary didn't know what to do, or what to say. With a light sigh, she let her hand go to his hair, smoothing it back gently from his face. It felt like fine silk. The color of sunlight.

She kicked off her shoes and swung her legs up onto the bed, lying with her eyes fixed upon his face. He looked so peaceful. Clary's hand traveled under the covers until she found one of his own, squeezing it gently. "I love you Jace. I really, truly do." She snuggled into his chest, closing her eyes. "I really have no idea what to say. Or if you can hear me. But if you can, please just wake up."

She was expecting a finger to twitch. Or an eyelid. But there was nothing. Clary stroked her thumb over his palm. "Remember when you first got to swing a seraph blade? Because I do. You were training alone in the weapon's room. 'I feel like I could take on the world,' you told me. You were only twelve." She smiled weakly. "I was… I could just imagine you jumping around a room pretending to be a full grown Shadowhunter. And then you swung it too hard and lost your balance, colliding into the wall. Oh Jace… you about knocked yourself out, you silly boy."

Clary frowned, opening her eyes as she gazed up into his face. "But why did you have to be so perfect? Body and mind. I didn't fall in love with you because of how you looked… I fell in love with you because you're beautiful inside too." She squeezed his hand tighter. "Jace… I love you. And this isn't how it ends. I'd spend the rest of my life with you. Yes, I know I'm so young and that sounds so foolish. But I would. What I feel for you, how much I know about you. How much you understand me and I understand you. Nothing will ever, ever compare to that. You were right; who else were we supposed to fall in love with?" Clary didn't realize she was crying until she saw the damp spots on the covers.

She sat up now, her eyes burning. Stinging. "Just wake _up-!_" she very nearly yelled. "Don't you dare fucking leave me. Leave us, Jace. You wake the _hell up or you'll end up in a horrible, horrible place that no one can save you from-!_" she lost her temper, slapping his arm while a sob escaped her. A hand tugged her away, and that was when she realized her yelling had made Alec enter the room. He tugged Clary away, saying into her ear, "calm down," but it was lost as she sobbed. Clary had never felt so hopeless.

She just needed to get back inside his head. Maybe then she could help.

But they weren't connected anymore. Unless…

"Where is Magnus Bane?" Clary asked now, taking Alec aback. "He's coming in an hour to try and get through to Jace. One more time befo-"

"Is he powerful? I mean… is he really good?"

"Yes. He is."

"I want him to link me and Jace back together."

She could tell he hadn't expected that. "I- what? Are you _joking?_"

Clary shook her head. "I know his mind. How it works. None of you, like the Silent Brothers know how to get through to him. And with Jonathan dead, there's no risk of him getting hurt. Or me."

Alec laughed, his eyes wide. "You're mad. This is so mad. You could _destroy him._"

Silence and Clary told him quietly, "he's already destroyed. Isn't the risk worth it? He could get better, and there's no way he can get worse." _Not really, _she wanted to add. Of course he could get worse. And if he did, she was considering ending his agony.

There was no way she could let him live in such pain for the rest of his life. She'd rather him dead and gone, free from the torment. From the way Alec was looking at her, she suspected him of having the same thoughts. And when he nodded, muttering out, "we'll try this. One last hope."

Clary nodded, walking back over to Jace and sitting back down next to him.

This was going to be the longest hour in history.

**-Existence-**

_"You must be joking, young Clary. No, I won't attempt this. It's suicide."_

Clary was scowling at the warlock. "I don't care if it hurts me. It I can save Jace, I really don't care at all."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Both of you," he said, sounding exasperated. "You'd both die to save the other at everything and anything. If I did this, there'd be no way to unlink you. Not this time. It would be permanent and forever. You'd be linked until the day you both died."

A pause and Clary shrugged. "So?"

The warlock laughed lightly, folding his arms. "Honestly, both of you. You're so eager to get yourselves killed."

Clary was still glaring. "Can you do it or not?"

"Of course I can," Magnus replied. "But this is no easy spell. No. Not at all. For one thing it shall cost you more."

Clary wanted to punch him. But with his cat-like eyes and immense powers, thought better of it. "Fine. Whatever. I care more about Jace than _money._"

Alec had to admire Clary's spirit. And her fire that was fast returning. It was a sight to behold and he finally understood just why Jace loved her so much.

"Fine," Magnus told the girl. "Sit next to Jace." His command was followed through instantly as she did so. "Now grab his hands." She did that too. A snap and a book appeared in Magnus's hand. He flipped through a few pages before sighing heavily, saying to himself "I'm getting old." And then he started the spell.

Clary didn't watch or listen. Her attention was fixed solely upon Jace, feeling with her mind. She had to find him.

And then she felt it. Felt him.

Clary's eyes flew wide as the pressure pressed down, down, down upon her, but she dodged it as best she could.

It was dark inside Jace's head, the barriers down in such a way she could feel him. Every flaw, every part that was numb or shaking. To Clary, it was like something like out of a dream. Magnus hadn't just linked them, it was like they were the same person now. She was slipping around, trying to grab onto the numb link that was growing stronger and stronger with each passing moment.

And then she found him. A figure sat in the depths of his warped and twisted thoughts. Dark gold eyes were staring at the floor with a blank look. Clary felt the floor under her knees before looking around. It was the bedroom. There was Jace lying on the bed, her holding his hands.

Clary looked away from their doubles to the boy sat before her. His hair was lank, unwashed and hanging in his eyes. She sighed lightly, raising a hand and tucking the strands behind his ears, saying softly, "Jace?"

There was nothing, but then Clary took his face into her hands, forcing those blank eyes to face her. "Jace," she said, voice more firm. "Look at me."

A blink, and then he was looking at her. For a few minuets they gazed at each other, then he murmured out, "hey there." Clary felt a smile twitch onto her lips. "How about you wake up for me?"

Jace shook his head, letting his hands rise. They took hold of her arms and he leaned forwards, resting his cheek atop her shoulder with his eyes closing. "I missed you Clarissa. God, I missed you so much."

Clary just hugged him into her chest, burying her face into his tangled hair. She clung onto him for dear life, tears springing to her eyes. "It's over now Jace," she told him, voice breaking. "He's dead. Jonathan is dead. Just… wake up. Get better. I don't care how long it takes, I'll be there. I'll be there with you for the rest of your life, I promise. I love you so much."

"Would you ever marry me?"

Clary laughed, the tears stinging her eyes as she pulled away, saying weakly, "I would. But not now. You get better, take me on some dates… spend time together. And maybe in the future. Deal?"

Jace flashed her a tired smile. "I don't know how to wake up."

"Of course you do." Clary sighed. "Come on. Please?"

"Would you have kids too?"

"Jace-"

"I'm just curious."

Clary shook her head, tutting out, "hush Jace. Screw marriage and kids until you're better. Ask me when you're better."

Jace shrugged, his voice far away it was like. "I was just wondering. I was curious." He frowned lightly. "Just leave me alone Clary."

His mood had changed in a snap, and Clary's eyes widened. "Jace, don't-"

"Leave. Me._Alone-!_"

And with that, Clary felt everything vanish. The next moment, she was on the floor of the bedroom, Magnus helping her to her feet with a sigh of, "Jace has more power than I imagined. Willpower, I mean."

Clary felt her heart start to sink, but then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the figure on the bed move.

And then he opened her eyes and Clary's cheeks hurt from how much she was smiling.


	14. Epilogue

_Two years later_

Jace's recovery wasn't straightforward. It took time. A lot of time. And patience on Clary's part. But still, no matter what, she never left his side.

Clary smiled as the golden haired boy ran his hand over the seraph blade, a smile upon his lips. It had been two years since he'd been allowed to handle one. But at long last, here he was. His Shadowhunter blood was calling him back into action, and he was eager for it.

Even though they usually just talked by thoughts, Clary said aloud, "excited?"

Jace nodded, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "So much." Clary watched as he went through all of his old routines until there was sweat clinging to his forehead. But when he lowered the blade, she knew it wasn't from exhaustion.

"Jace?" Clary frowned lightly before calling mentally, _Jace! _

The boy blinked, shaking his head a fraction. "Yeah?"

Clary stepped over to him, leaning up and placing a kiss upon his lips. "You spaced out again."

"Ah. Damn it."

"Don't worry about it." Clary was smiling as she took the seraph blade from his hands, setting it down upon the side. "You're getting better. No…" her smile grew. "You _are _better."

Jace shook his head, resting his chin atop her shoulder. "Not completely. There's always going to be a part that's weaker than the rest of me."

"Surviving what happened doesn't make you weak. You're the strongest person I know, Jace."

Jace tutted, letting his lips find her own and muttering out, "not as strong as you." And then they were kissing as if the world was about to end. Clary wound a hand into his honey colored locks, allowing him to hitch her up onto his hips. She locked her ankles around him and captured his face in her hands as she deepened the kiss until it was more than fiery. When they broke apart, Clary let her forehead rest against his own, laughing out breathlessly with her heart pounding. "Control yourself."

"Where's the fun in that?" Jace teased, placing soft, persuasive kisses along her jaw line. Clary's eyes closed as she murmured out, "I shouldn't even be kissing you this much. What if-?" but her words were silenced by his lips upon her own again. Clary gave up arguing, twining her arm around his neck as she pressed her body to his own.

It had only been a month since Clary and Jace could kiss so much. Too much emotion or pressure caused Jace to lapse in control. Before, they'd kissed and things had very nearly gone too far. Too far for Jace. She'd found hands around her neck, a snarl upon his lips. But then he'd come to and even though Clary was fine, he felt like a monster.

The first year was the worst. Clary couldn't remember how much she cried those first two months. But then she'd gotten used to it. Jace's frame of mind didn't upset her anymore.

She loved him. All of him.

The second year was easier, but not by much. It was only in the past few months that Jace truly started to improve. When he started to be sarcastic and rude, Clary couldn't have been happier. Every little snappy, snarky comment just made her smile.

The old Jace was returning. Little by little. Day by day.

"I think," he said quietly, biting at the underside of her chin playfully, "it's about time I dragged you into my room."

Clary froze at that, knowing full well what he meant. Jace was eighteen now, a man. And Clary would be the same sooner rather than later. An adult. That word still hadn't sunk in with the pair of them. As soon as Clary hit eighteen, Jace was intending on taking her with him around the world, visiting other Institutes. With Clary now a fully fledged Shadowhunter, even though her mother disapproved, she couldn't wait.

"Okay," she laughed, taking Jace aback. Clary arched a brow, slipping down from his hips. Her hand took a hold of his own. "Lead the way."

"Don't you know it?" Jace teased, tugging her towards the door. Clary just scoffed, getting a cheeky grin in return.

All the hardship. All the tears and pain. It had been so worth it.

It was when they were twenty two, relaxing at the Cannes's Institute in the south of France that Jace sunk down onto one knee, asking Clary if she remembered his words from when she bought him back so many years ago. That she promised that when he was better, she'd marry him. She did. Jace asked with none of his usual cocky self, "do you find me… better? Normal enough to ask you to marry me?"

Clary had gone silent before sinking down onto both knees before him, saying with her voice and eyes so full of love and devotion, "I would marry you even if you were still mad. My heart is yours. It always has been."

Jace hadn't cried in years. Not since the day's where he'd lay almost comatose. But he did then. With a smile upon his face the entire time as he tugged off the family ring from his hand and sliding it onto Clary's own. They knelt there hugging each other for so long, the sun had set, talking to each other inside their minds. How much they loved each other.

To anyone looking on, it was like they were simply hugging in silence.

Even though it was a Shadowhunter wedding, Jace snuck in Simon Lewis just for Clary. Drew fake runes upon his arms and seated him next to Isabelle before she returned to walk behind Clary as a bridesmaid and prayed no one realized there was a mundane in the audience. Jace was sure they'd get married, and a year later, he was right. Isabelle and the mundane. Jace still wondered how the hell it had happened, but never questioned it.

But he never would have predicted his _parabatai_ being gay. Or more specifically, hooking up with the same warlock that had re-linked him and Clary back together. It was a small world. And you couldn't help who you fell in love with.

Jace had stood in the Hall of the Angel in special Shadowhunter gear emblazoned with golden runes upon black. His heart had been racing, breathing deep and even. As controlled as he could make it. The entire day, they hadn't even talked with their thoughts. Everytime Jace had cracked, wanting to talk to her, she threw up a mental barrier that kept him out.

And then Clary had entered the room with Luke by her side, and Jace just found himself staring. He thought her beautiful in every way before, but she was simply radiant now. They weren't children anymore, but adults. Clary was still small, but there was a leanness to her that she'd never had as a teenager. But in that moment, Jace saw the girl from prom. The first time he'd ever clapped eyes upon her. But this dress wasn't emerald, it was gold. As dark a gold as his eyes. Jace realized then that she'd taken the aureate color of his eyes and matched it for the fabric of her wedding dress.

He'd never found her so beautiful or enchanting. Jace couldn't wait to lift up that veil obscuring her eyes, to kiss her and let the world know that she was his forever.

Even though the vows were spoken aloud, the true words of devotion were voiced inside their heads.

_Clary… I don't know what to say other than I love you. I love you so much. No prepared speech could mean as much as that. _He knew he was rambling, probably making a fool of his love struck self. But Clary had merely giggled and replied, _don't you think we've been through the worse of 'for better or worse?'_

Jace found that more amusing than he should have.

When the time came and he could finally lift that veil, he did it instantly and crashed his lips to Clary's own before he'd even been given the go ahead to kiss her. After the first kiss, he simply took her face into his hands and kissed her again while the crowd lost their senses from applause and cheering. Their last kiss at the alter, officially husband and wife, was long, lingering and sweet with tears burning in both their eyes and smiles upon their lips.

_I love you, _Clary had simply told him during the third kiss. Jace smiled against her lips. _As I love you._

That night they had rolled around in bed together, their bodies bare while they drew the rune for love on the others arm with a stele, then the final Mark. The unity rune over their hearts.

Then the stele fell onto the floor and Jace rolled them over, his chest stinging in the best way possible from the rune Clary had drawn there.

Like any marriage, it had a few downs.

The biggest down was when Jace had been twenty four. Ambushed by a gang of demons that left him close to death. But he bounced back. He always did. Just this time, there was a dirty great scar adorning his chest and stomach.

When they were almost twenty five, they had something else to face.

Clary fell pregnant.

It was a shock, but a welcomed one. Clary reminded Jace of his words so long ago _"Would you have kids too?"_

Well she was now.

Despite the hissing and yelling Clary often aimed at Jace while she was pregnant, blaming him for knocking her up, she gave birth to a girl a little under the due date. Ariana. With her father's hair and eyes, her parents knew she'd be beautiful when she was older. But then, she had her mother's height. A bundle of sunlight with her mother's temper.

Three years later, their son arrived. Eric.

Jace had gone pale the first time he'd seen his son, for the boy's hair was as white as snow. But his eyes were Clary's. It made Jace remember the young man who had the same hair color as Eric- Jonathan Morgenstern. It unnerved him that the little boy shared the same color hair. Clary had sighed and taken her husband's face into her hands, telling him softly, "Eric is nothing like Jonathan. Where that hair came from is my father. My father had white blonde hair too. Relax and hold him, please?"

As soon as Jace held his son, the doubt and fears vanished instantly. There was nothing wrong with him. Nothing at all.

Clary and Jace weren't the only ones to have children. Isabelle and Simon had a set of twins. Both boys. When they were both two, an ambush by vampires on Simon left him one of them. The fact he was going to grow up and see his children and friends die, never changing from his twenty five year old self very nearly destroyed him. He told no one other than Clary. But his wife guessed soon enough.

Eric and Ariana grew up used to their parent's connection, possessing none of it themselves. When Jace sat with his children teaching them how to play the piano, occasionally he'd laugh out loud. As if sharing a joke that they couldn't hear.

When Ariana and Simon and Isabelle's boys turned twelve, they were given the first Marks of being a Shadowhunter. When Eric was of age, he was given them as well.

Where Simon stayed the same in looks, the others grew older. Jace's features grew hard and fierce, but still so handsome. He often teased his wife that at least having children had made her boobs grow bigger. Clary enjoyed slapping him whenever he said that.

Time never diminished Clary and Jace's love for each other. Not one bit. Even when age was starting to slow them down, they still fought with their backs pressed together. Seraph blades in their hands and dangerous glints in their eyes as they made short work of their enemies. No demon could tear them down.

Age didn't weaken their mental link either. One winter morning, their children all grown up and their grandchildren who had inherited Clary's fiery hair were playing in the snowy garden, they lay in bed together. Clary's arms were around her husband's form, as his were around his wife's.

_I think it's about time we broke the link for good, _Clary had laughed, tangling her legs with his own, closing her eyes against his chest. The heartbeat that had gone so strong for years was finally slowing. For the final time. _You can rest now, my warrior._

When Ariana had come upstairs to check on her parents, she found them in each others arms. Both gone. No one even knew who had died first. But because of their link, of how close they were, suspicions were raised that maybe their lives were tied as well as their minds. But no one knew for sure.

For Simon, they were the last ones to pass over. And one of the worst as the grief truly hit him that he'd never see Clary again. Or Isabelle who had died a few years before.

He spent a little time with Magnus Bane after the deaths of Clary and Jace.

"After so long, you forget what they look like," Magnus had told him quietly, thinking of his blue eyed boy, loss still heavy on his heart. "There's nothing you can do about it. Time will dull the details."

Simon didn't want to forget. He didn't want Clary and Jace's mental connection to be forgotten either. It was the stuff of legend. How they'd managed to stay connected without losing their minds until the grand old age of seventy one… he couldn't have done it.

Since word of mouth could be twisted and warped, Simon set pen to page and wrote. Wrote about the Shadowhunter's he'd known. The ones that had died. His friends. The life he'd had as both human and vampire with them.

He wrote about Clary and Jace. Their connection. About Jonathan Morgenstern, the boy who never would have been a monster if it hadn't been for fate being so unkind.

Simon handed the book over to Eric Herondale who frowned at it. "What is-?"

The vampire shook his head. "I don't want the world forgetting who your parents were. Who Isabelle was. Or Alec. Everyone. Too many heroes are overlooked. This way… no detail will fade."

Eric watched the vampire walk away with a frown on his face. He never saw him again. Neither did both of Simon's sons, or his grandchildren.

The Shadowhunter's eyes flickered down to the black embossed title of the emerald leather bound book. The book that held the life of so many others. Love. Loss. Marriage. Deaths and so much more.

_The Book of Existence_

* * *

**And… that is IT! Wow. It's been a long, hard ride to get to here, the epilogue. This chapter was written with tissues next to me and lots of sobbing to friends over Skype. (Looking at you Amanda) So really, my lovely, lovely readers… THANK YOU. It's through your support and encouragement that got me here. So I dedicate this story to each and every one of you. I guess, now that this story is finished, I'll start a new Clace sooner or later once I'm back off holiday later this month. For now, I think I might take a little break from writing big stories. **

**Again, thank you so much for reading this entire story. Clary and Jace's journey. I love you all. Especially Queen Cassie for thinking up these amazing characters. Have a great night/day and I hope you all leave me final reviews! They'd be lovely to wake up to.**

**x Nicola**


	15. Note

Just a little note to say the new Clace fic is now up! It's called _"Untamed"_ and you can find it on my profile. If you liked this fic, you'll certainly love the new one. Enjoy and review Untamed! x Nic


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